Same song different day.  “Carol, he is a good person. BUT he wants everyone to be happy and will not confront people and hold people accountable”

This statement drives me crazy!!! Why?  Because it is what the folks a Crucial Conversations would call a “Sucker’s Choice.”  That is a belief that people will either be happy or be held accountable.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE hear me!  It is not an either or choice. In fact, it is one choice. Hold them accountable in a humane and predictable way by articulating your expectations.  People will not be happy with you if they feel blindsided by allegations that they are not performing their jobs.  While it is excellent that people are happy at their jobs, it is not the function of business or government to pay people to be happy.  The function of work is work.

If managers, supervisors or leads are  ALLOWING PEOPLE TO FAIL BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO UNCOMFORTABLE TO BE GENUINE WITH THEM THEN SHAME ON YOU!

Here is the good news.  The conversation is likely not as uncomfortable as you imagine it to be.  Talk about your expectations, your assumptions, and the benchmarks.  Easy.  The conversation is not about their personality traits or lack of skill, or other potentially demeaning stuff.  It is about what the job is and requires.

Will there be push back. YEP. Especially, if you spring this on them.  Instead do some prep work with the entire group so everyone is moving forward.

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There is something delicious about sitting in judgment of others.

I was having coffee with someone last week and the subject  of judging others came up.

It got me thinking....why do we sit in judgment of others?

Is it because it is part of our job description?

Is it because we like being "right" and telling others that they are "wrong" or at least "not as right as we are?"

More importantly, what is the impact on us, the workplace, and our peers when we sit in judgment of others AND do so inappropriately?

What I mean by "inappropriately"?

Let me paint a picture...You are working hard.  Someone says something to you that YOU find dumb, insensitive, or whacked.  You make a determination about that person's character and competence BUT you never check it out to see if the person INTENDED to mean, insensitive or whacked.

As a result, your working relationship changes for the worse.

I will bet for those people with whom you have a poor working relationship that you can point to an exact moment when the relationship went downhill.

Now take 5 seconds to evaluate if you ever checked in with the person to verify if they did indeed INTEND to damage you or the working relationship.  If you didn't verify their intention then you may have inappropriately sat in judgment.

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Hope and faith are important things.  I don't think that humans could survive with out hope and faith.  Unfortuately, too often hope and faith are used to make promotional decisions.

Case on point: hoping that the Star Performer will become a Star Leader.

By placing faith in  a Star Performer to transform into a Star Leader is foolish.  A well-intentioned, but foolish, choice that places the organizatioh at risk and can negatively impact peoples lives.

It is often said that "people don't leave companies; they leave bosses."  The traits that make some one look like great pomotion potential from above: task focused, high achiever, go-getter, works well with out direction, innovator, driven are THE SAME traits that can make poor leaders.

Why?

Because the go-getter attitude may sideline important LEADERSHIP TRAITS such as empathy, time to listen, relationship building, willingness to listen to contrary opinions, in short...all those elements that insprie TRUST in others.

Without TRUST from those who CHOOSE to follow-there is NO LEADER . Therefore, NO LEADERSHIP.

So look beyond, the Star Performance. Look to the ACTUAL STAR LEADERSHIP that currently exists.

Who do people TRUST in the organization?

Who looks out for their TEAM as much as themselves?

Who continually holds themselves ACCOUNTABLE?

Who is ADMIRED by thier peers, not just liked by those up the food chain?

Who has a THIRST for learning?

Who has the HUMILITY to know that there is alot to learn-no matter how long they have been around the block?

Who WOULD YOU CHOOSE TO FOLLOW COME HELL OR HIGH WATER OR BOTH?

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A colleague just sent me a link to a CNN article that says employees are too afraid to take vacation-because they are afraid that during any time away from work their employer will discover that the job can be done with out them. (Here is the link )

Fear has taken hold-the Monkey Brain has taken over. The Monkey Brain is that part of us where the fear response lives. The Monkey Brain engages and creativity dies, logic dies, freak-outs thrive.

So what can you do? Simple. Tame the Monkey.

The Monkey Brain is triggered by threats. In the working world that is down turns in the economy, lay off's, performance reviews, restructuring, escalating tension, cut-backs, mergers, and bankruptcies.

I find that the common denominator is a feeling of lack of meaningful control and a sense of "I don't know what I can do here!!!!!!" This feeling of lack of control often hides behind "IT's NOT FAIR!!!"

Have honest conversations.

Name the elephant in the room.

It is OK to tell people that you don't know or that you aren't at liberty to tell them

No one really knows everything that is  going on.  Do your best to share what information you can.   Avoid-like the plague-speculating.  It doesn't help and only serves to increase tension.

Ask people what they would like to have happen. They may not know or what they want is not with in your power to deliver.  Just get folks to start talking.   It is your best Monkey taming technique.

If you want more tips- please visit www.managingconflict.com and check out the enews archive page for articles and action tools.

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I came across this interesting article on honey bees.  What had me stop in my tracks was this quote by Beekeeper Jerry Webb, " It [the hive] is a perfect society. You're either useful or you're dead".

How much of management theory is in part based on this premise?  Just wondering....

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Earlier this month, I was a guest on Denise Rubin’s Radio Program Work Does Matter. It was a great conversation about how to handle workplace conflict, the definition of “hackles”, and tactics that work. Give it a listen via the Work Does Matter Web site. Tell me what you think. Really. I know that some of you do have differenct opinions.

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The International Association of Business Communication asked me to contribute to their CW Bulletin: Effective Conflict Management. There are some great article there by folks, like me, who are geeks for conflict.

I chose to write on teh Top 10 (Hidden) Sources of Workplace Conflict. Here is an excerpt of the article. For the full article check out the CW Bulletin.

“The best internal communication systems can break down. The top performers can be a pain when they  push for their own agendas and timelines.  Even the “Best Places to Work” suffer from workplace conflict.  Unless the hidden sources that cause and escalate the tension and conflict are addressed, bad things happen:  conflict escalates; people suffer; managers lose credibility; business suffers.
The pain of unresolved conflict can be avoided – but only if the source of the conflict is addressed. Here are the Top 10 hidden escalators of conflict at work, how to recognize them, and what to do about them.”

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I am so pleased to share with you this post by guest blogger Amy Stephson. Amy and I have enjoyed coffee dates  talking shop about workplace harassment and conflict. I thought that you would ejnoy hearing some words of wisdome from her.

Reflections of a Workplace Investigator.

A gay male employee complains: My co-worker and her husband lunch together every day, but it’s discriminatory that she doesn’t want me to discuss my same sex partner. The co-worker says: I’m a Christian and homosexuality is against my religion. I’m happy to interact with my gay co-worker, but don’t want to have to hear about his partner.

An African-American employee complains: My co-workers laugh and talk about me in their native language. This is harassment. The co-workers reply: When we use our language, we’re not talking about her; we’re just chatting and only do it when no one else is around. Our employer’s policy allows us to speak in our language and it would be discriminatory to stop us.

These are just two of the many scenarios in the life of a workplace investigator. Most are more mundane: Managers have terrible communication skills or play favorites. Poor performers blame bias rather than their job performance. Managers have anger problems. Perceptually challenged employees create havoc. People hate their jobs, but can’t find another that pays as well, so make trouble.

And now a new source of conflict is creating challenges in the workplace: generational diversity. The 62-79 year-old “Matures” (as consultant Karyl K. Innis calls them) have very different attitudes toward work than the 43-66 year-old Boomers, who in turn have different attitudes than the 28–42 year-old “Gen X’ers” or the under-28 “Gen Y’s.”

Is there an underlying reason for all this? Much of it is just human nature: people are complex, see the world through their own perceptual lens, have competing interests, have personality conflicts, lack the necessary competencies, offend and get offended. We live in a country where personal boundaries are often blurred, many have a sense of entitlement or victimhood, and television shows workplaces where there’s more talk of sex than work.

There’s another reason why employers end up having to hire investigators: They fail to prevent conflict through policies, training, and coaching. And then, when conflicts do arise, they fail to manage them in a timely manner. Proactively dealing with conflict may seem like a distraction, but it’s an essential part of risk management and running a productive, efficient business.

***
Amy Stephson is a Seattle employment attorney whose practice emphasizes conducting independent workplace investigations. She is also a workplace consultant and coach. She can be reached at http://www.amystephson.com.

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Here is something for you to ponder. I received it in an email this morning from a colleague:

In the morning my new mantra before I step on the floor to say good morning to my friends. I say to myself-

“Today I will look at this floor through the eyes of an owner.”

I find if I am subconsciously asking myself “If this was my building and my business, how would I see the things around me?”

In the evening I ask myself

“Did I do more good than harm today?” and “Why did I just answer that way?”

This forces me to “STOP!” and take a personal inventory of the day. If I am off track then I use that as my focus for tomorrow.

So how is your day going?

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This is an email I received from a colleague. I thought that I would share it with all of you -after getting permission and redacting. It is an excellent example of how1 statement can make a difference at work! READ on…

Good Morning ****,

I just had this happen to me and wanted to share it with you both…

To me there seems to be three types of people in this world � Optimists (the glass is half full), Pessimists (the glass is half empty) and your Optimistic Pessimists (the glass is half full � of POISON) ;o). I guess it is true however that perception is reality and we take things as we choose to see them.

Case in point my little email parlay with our front desk receptionist.

From: ***
Sent: Wednesday, May 20, 2009 10:37 AM
To: ****
Subject: BLESS YOU!
________________________________________

From: ***
Sent: Wednesday, May 20, 2009 11:04 AM
To: ***
Subject: RE: BLESS YOU!

Well Thank you Miss *** You just made my day. I am not sure what I did to deserve it but I will sure take it. Bless you, ***! I am glad that you are here with us!
T

________________________________________
________________________________________
From:***
Sent: Wednesday, May 20, 2009 11:41 AM
To:***
Subject: RE: BLESS YOU!

I actually heard you sneeze.
Your welcome!
And thank you for the comment!

****

________________________________________

From: ***
Sent: Wednesday, May 20, 2009 11:56 AM
To:****
Subject: RE: BLESS YOU!

HA HA HA! It wasn�t me you heard but I will save your bless you in my pocket for next time. ;o)

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