In the traditional models of male group dynamics the new members of the group undergo some form of hazing to “earn” their way into the group. Once “in” the group, the new guy is made the butt of jokes or “given grief” as a demonstration of his belonging.
Ask a women the last time, she felt “in” when she was made the butt of a joke. To the average female, being made the object of exclusion or ridicule is the exact opposite of belonging and a BIG BLINKING SIGNAL THAT SHE STOP TRYING TO BECOME PART OF THE GROUP BECAUSE-for whatever reason- SHE IS NOT WELCOME. In the workplace, the worst thing is to be viewed as disengaged or “not team player”.

In life, it is awful to feel purposefully excluded and have no control to “get back into the game.” What maybe intended as a sign of inclusion-kidding around, target of practical jokes-teasing maybe perceived as harassment, retaliation or purposeful exclusion. NOT what is desired in the workplace for full engagement.

Think about it. Then take a look around. How does your workgroup let individuals know that they are “Teamplayers”? How do you? Is this based on “the way we have always done it?” Is it possible that your method falls into either a “male” or “female” model?

If so, have there been any unintended consequences??

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We often think about conflict as something to be avoided. Unfortunately we do get caught up in the trauma and drama of the workplace and can’t figure out how to get out of the mess-without more trauma, drama and mess.

Well, I just read this great article in the October issue of Pink Magazine (for a FREE trial issue go to www.pinkmagazine.com). The article Diamond Deal by Tiffany Meyers. Don’t be put off by what looks like a bad ad for a pyramid scheme jewelry franchise. The article has some concrete tips on how to get deals done. These tips are readily transferable to how to address tough situation at work.

There are 5 main categories that provide 21 tips. Here are my top 5 of those 21 tips.

1. Listen to Learn-Since much of the information you need isn’t on the surface, get comfortable reading between the lines.
2. Thinking Past the Handshake-In the heat of the moment, when emotion might otherwise cloud judgment, return to the objectives you’ve identified as important.
3. Maintaining Perspective- Acknowledge strong emotions if they crop up-but don’t let them drive decisions.
4. Calling for Backup-Understand that you’ll probably never have all the information you want or feel that you need.
5. Setting the Tone- Know what the other side stands to gain from the deal, Once you understand that , negotiations are easy.

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