I am so pleased to share with you this post by guest blogger Amy Stephson. Amy and I have enjoyed coffee dates  talking shop about workplace harassment and conflict. I thought that you would ejnoy hearing some words of wisdome from her.

Reflections of a Workplace Investigator.

A gay male employee complains: My co-worker and her husband lunch together every day, but it’s discriminatory that she doesn’t want me to discuss my same sex partner. The co-worker says: I’m a Christian and homosexuality is against my religion. I’m happy to interact with my gay co-worker, but don’t want to have to hear about his partner.

An African-American employee complains: My co-workers laugh and talk about me in their native language. This is harassment. The co-workers reply: When we use our language, we’re not talking about her; we’re just chatting and only do it when no one else is around. Our employer’s policy allows us to speak in our language and it would be discriminatory to stop us.

These are just two of the many scenarios in the life of a workplace investigator. Most are more mundane: Managers have terrible communication skills or play favorites. Poor performers blame bias rather than their job performance. Managers have anger problems. Perceptually challenged employees create havoc. People hate their jobs, but can’t find another that pays as well, so make trouble.

And now a new source of conflict is creating challenges in the workplace: generational diversity. The 62-79 year-old “Matures” (as consultant Karyl K. Innis calls them) have very different attitudes toward work than the 43-66 year-old Boomers, who in turn have different attitudes than the 28–42 year-old “Gen X’ers” or the under-28 “Gen Y’s.”

Is there an underlying reason for all this? Much of it is just human nature: people are complex, see the world through their own perceptual lens, have competing interests, have personality conflicts, lack the necessary competencies, offend and get offended. We live in a country where personal boundaries are often blurred, many have a sense of entitlement or victimhood, and television shows workplaces where there’s more talk of sex than work.

There’s another reason why employers end up having to hire investigators: They fail to prevent conflict through policies, training, and coaching. And then, when conflicts do arise, they fail to manage them in a timely manner. Proactively dealing with conflict may seem like a distraction, but it’s an essential part of risk management and running a productive, efficient business.

***
Amy Stephson is a Seattle employment attorney whose practice emphasizes conducting independent workplace investigations. She is also a workplace consultant and coach. She can be reached at http://www.amystephson.com.

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Here is something for you to ponder. I received it in an email this morning from a colleague:

In the morning my new mantra before I step on the floor to say good morning to my friends. I say to myself-

“Today I will look at this floor through the eyes of an owner.”

I find if I am subconsciously asking myself “If this was my building and my business, how would I see the things around me?”

In the evening I ask myself

“Did I do more good than harm today?” and “Why did I just answer that way?”

This forces me to “STOP!” and take a personal inventory of the day. If I am off track then I use that as my focus for tomorrow.

So how is your day going?

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This is an email I received from a colleague. I thought that I would share it with all of you -after getting permission and redacting. It is an excellent example of how1 statement can make a difference at work! READ on…

Good Morning ****,

I just had this happen to me and wanted to share it with you both…

To me there seems to be three types of people in this world � Optimists (the glass is half full), Pessimists (the glass is half empty) and your Optimistic Pessimists (the glass is half full � of POISON) ;o). I guess it is true however that perception is reality and we take things as we choose to see them.

Case in point my little email parlay with our front desk receptionist.

From: ***
Sent: Wednesday, May 20, 2009 10:37 AM
To: ****
Subject: BLESS YOU!
________________________________________

From: ***
Sent: Wednesday, May 20, 2009 11:04 AM
To: ***
Subject: RE: BLESS YOU!

Well Thank you Miss *** You just made my day. I am not sure what I did to deserve it but I will sure take it. Bless you, ***! I am glad that you are here with us!
T

________________________________________
________________________________________
From:***
Sent: Wednesday, May 20, 2009 11:41 AM
To:***
Subject: RE: BLESS YOU!

I actually heard you sneeze.
Your welcome!
And thank you for the comment!

****

________________________________________

From: ***
Sent: Wednesday, May 20, 2009 11:56 AM
To:****
Subject: RE: BLESS YOU!

HA HA HA! It wasn�t me you heard but I will save your bless you in my pocket for next time. ;o)

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Some times dealing with conflict is a negotation. Here are some tips that negotiation expert Jeanetter Nyden shared via her newsletter.I thought “Wow! This can be easily transferable to folks dealing with workplace tension and conflict!” So here you are!   If you would like more negotiation tips, visit Jeanette’s web site www.jnyden.com. She also has a book coming out Negotiation Rules! A Practical Approach to Big Deal Negotiations.

Best Practice #1  Get past needing to compete

Competition, while a part of the negotiation process, can destroy long-term relationships, which in turn can destroy your bottom line. Therefore, you must be able to balance competition against the desire to foster long term relationships.

Best Practice #2  Get down to the real issue

Separate the real issue the driving force of the negotiation�from the all the less important issues that take up time. People lose valuable time and money chasing after non-mission-critical issues.

Best Practice #3 Know and use your leverage

Business people must know and use their leverage. Leverage is your ability to get a deal on your terms. If you want a deal on your terms, you must know and appropriately use your leverage.

Best Practice #4 Don’t assume that people will act in rational ways

You cannot use rational arguments with people who have an emotional charge. It just doesn�t work. Address the emotional argument. If it is not your strength, then find someone for whom it is.

Best Practice #5 Things are not black and white.

Americans in particular like to talk in terms of the bottom line, bullet points and principles. The reality of the situation is that what you are negotiating is not likely a black and white issue. There will be nuances and shades of gray.�
Best Practice #6  Don’t let bad things linger

This piece of advice got the most laughs as they all remembered times when matters got really ugly. Matters just get worse the longer they linger. They don’t go away.
Best Practice #7  Let bygones be bygones.

People make mistakes. People also do really stupid things, like denying responsibility for their obvious mistakes. For the good of business, it is wise to let bygones be bygones.

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