Marine (YouTube) Scandal & Blood sucking Fiends Teach About Management

Many of you have seen or heard about You Tube video showing US Marines urinating on bodies.  Marine Corps leadership called the actions "wholly inconsistent with the high standards of conduct and warrior ethos that we have demonstrated throughout our history."  Investigators are trying to determine whether the commanders knew of the misconduct or whether a breakdown in discipline occurred.

For those of you who are in a position of responsibility, look for the lesson here:

THE POLICIES YOU SPOUT ARE WORTHLESS UNLESS FOLLOWED.

PEOPLE WILL DO WHAT THEY WANT IF THEY THINK NO ONE IS LOOKING OR IF THEY THINK YOU WOULD DO THE SAME.

So what does Blood sucking Fiends have to do with this? Plenty. Blood sucking Fiends  is a book by author Christopher Moore (also author of another great management title Practical Demon Keeping). The story revolves around vampires, San Francisco, and a group of employees known as “the Animals.”

The Animals work for Safeway as the night stock crew. Their favorite past time at work, other than getting drunk, is turkey bowling.  According to Wikipedia,

“Turkey bowling is a sport which is based on ordinary bowling: a frozen turkey serves as a bowling ball and 10 plastic bottles of soft drinks or water are the bowling pins. The turkey is bowled down a smooth surface, for example, ice.”

What is the link you might be asking between Turkey Bowling and desecrating the dead-lack of supervision, lip service (at best), abandonment (bad) of organizational principles, or a complete “screw you” attitude (very worst).

Take a minute to think about it.  Then step up to the plate and do the right thing.

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When is a victim not really a victim?

There I was sitting outside of Whole Foods eating my lunch.  It was a beautiful day.  An older man with 2 miniature pinchers (think very small Doberman ) sat a few tables away.  He seemed to be enjoying the day.  He seemed to be enjoying hanging out with his dogs.  It was all tranquil.

Until...SHE showed up!  The wife. Oh boy, was she steamed.  She was yelling at him. Shaming and Blaming. "Where were you!"  "Why don't you have your cell phone!"  "I have been looking for you!"  "I have been all over!"

I thought "Wow, the poor guy.  He is getting pooped on in public big time."   He looked like a hapless victim.  He acted like one too. Standing up quietly and walking away from the wrath of THE WIFE.

Then I started to reflect on what THE WIFE had said.  During the course of her rant she mentioned that 

1. She went in look for something that was not there
2. She went back to where he had dropped her off.
3. He was not there
4. She went back into the store to look for him.  Not finding him, she went back to front entrance and waited for him. 
5. She waited and waited.
6. She tried calling him. She could not reach him.
7. She spent 20 minutes searching the store for him.
8. She decided to shop
9. She finally found him.
10. "You ALWAYS do this!!"

It was "You ALWAYS do this" that really got my attention.  I can imagine that THE HUSBAND thought it was a nice idea to go run an errand or two, park the car, take the dogs for a walk then find a pleasant place to sit.  I will bet he thought "she will figure it out."

Now, at the outset HE looked like the VICTIM.  Upon reflection, I had a lot more sympathy for THE WIFE. I mean, how annoying is that behavior.

So here are the morals to this sad tale of The Victim Who is Not A Victim

• A victim may not be a victim, but an instigator.
• People can and will follow their own agendas
• Your agenda may be obvious to you and a mystery to others
• You need to move forward  or get sucked into the "YOU ALWAYS DO THIS" ridiculousness

I think all THE WIFE, like most of us who feel neglected or victimized, wanted to hear was "I am sorry. I didn't realize the impact on you.  It won't happen again."

Too bad.  I wonder who will get those miniture pinchers in the divorce?

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Is the world full of “Self Entitled Babies”?

In a Twitter post some time back I asked “Are employees seizing the day or seizing the pay?”  One response was telling “It’s all about the pay in this world of self entitled babies. I see so many 70 % out there it’s amazing anything gets done”.

Apparently, some feel employers aren’t doing enough to drive performance while other feel employers aren’t doing enough to meet needs.  Are the two related-who really knows.  My bet is that it isn’t the same for everyone.

What is amazing to me is the amount of mutual resentment that is out there.  Here is what folks don’t seem to get:

1. It is the employee’s responsibility to look after themselves.
2. When negotiating salary, PEOPLE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SELF-INTERESTED. 
3. Our culture equates pay with value.
4. People equate level of pay with Personal Value.
5. Everyone knows an overpaid idiot.
6. Life is expensive. We need money to survive.
7. Most people have ZERO concept about the true Fair Market Value (FMV) of their services.  They don't see what others are paid. 
8. HR & MANAGEMENT ASKS people what their last salary was to determine how much they are “worth” then get upset when prospective employees decline to provide the information. THUS, no fair turning around and becoming miffed when people want more money because they believe that they are delivering value.
9. Employees believe that they are doing the work required of the job. If they are not, that is an issue of management failing to manage.
10. Who wasn’t a whining, overly entitled cry baby at 20?  Seriously, most employees entering the work force have to be trained to be employees.  They have little or no real life experience. Did you really expect a worldly wise 20 something?

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Be wary of “false alarms” one person who attracts all the attention, in fact demands it.

 Yes, they get attention.

 The flip side is that others, the folks who come to work and do their stuff, often are over-shadowed and feel unappreciated.

 While supervisors feel as though one person or one event is sucking up  too much time and energy.

 For each time there is someone doing a version of Chicken Little’s “THE SKY IS FALLING!” check in with your tried and true workers to see how they interpret the situation.  Listen to the Steady Eddies. Pay them as much attention-if not more.

While the concern of the person who raises the roof over and over again might be legitimate, you cannot allow them to overshadow the others.

 You can let them know that you heard their concern, but it is not an urgent issue at the time.  THEN articulate that “we have a good group of folks here. Folks who are bright, articulate, & who can speak for themselves.”

  If you get push back , REPEAT, “we have smart people her who can speak for themselves.”

 REPEAT “People can speak for themselves & I will respect their choice not to come forward as much as I respect YOUR choice to come forward.  I heard your concern, do you have something else to add?” 

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'13' Reasons Why People Are Jerks At Work

Everyone has a bad day now and then.  There are people, however, who don’t simply have a bad day. They have a bad decade.  Where does this come from?  Sue Pivetta of Professional Pride has identified 13 instances that if not addressed can lead to perpetual negative behavior.

Take a look at the list below. The first element is the cause followed by the behavior.

Do any of these stand out to you?   Do co-workers or management suffer from these pernicious feelings?  The first step to improvement is identifying the problem.  Let the games begin….

1. Lack of control causing people to exert control in inappropriate ways or hold on with a death grip to any areas of control that they believe that they have.
2. Inability to set boundaries resulting is others feeling steam rolled or violated by comments that are personal attacks.
3. Feelings of abandonment causing people withdraw and not share information.
4. Feelings of dependence resulting in people unable to make independent decisions or act without first getting permission-not matter how minor the action.
5. Need to be liked or listened to causing people to avoid conversations, agree with whomever is in the room. OR repeating, repeating, repeating, repeating the same story or complaint over & over & over again.
6. Authority and power Issues causing individuals to take actions on either side of a broad spectrum. On one end, if they love power and authority they will try and make people bow down to their ideas, proposals, ways of doing things because “I am the boss” or “you have to pay your dues” or “this is the way it was for me, it will be the way it was for you.”  Alternatively, there are folks who HATE people who have authority over them. They will be contrary simply to assert their own independence as a way to say “You are not the boss of me” even if you are.
7. Need for excitement and chaos.  Yes, there are drama queens and kings out there. They will create drama to show how valuable they are. They need something to focus on.  They need to create a driving force to stir up the daily routine.
8. Loyalties and protectiveness. Resulting in coalition building and backing individuals or ideas simply to back the person.
9. Low professional or personal self-esteem causing individuals not to contribute, take calculated risks and become the “go along, get along” lump.
10. Disappointment over being unfulfilled resulting in individuals withdrawing emotionally and physically from the work. Increase absenteeism. No participation in meetings. Work pace slows & performance suffers.
11. Personal professional needs not met resulting in frustration and job/life dissatisfaction.  May become shorter tempers, time on the internet searching for new jobs, push back on new initiatives at work or statements that “it doesn’t matter anyway!”
12. Personality type, learned behavior causing individuals to play the role of victim or bully.  Increased complaints & water cooler conversations.
13. Follower personality, lack of personal power resulting in minimal amount of engagement. Follower characteristics are good.  This situation is bad because the follow is completely overshadowed the leader who may be a handful themselves.  The follower will not take any action against or contradict the leader.  The follower is assimilated into a coalition and voiceless.

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Big Bossy Cow!!!!! That is how I feel when someone interrupts me.  
BUT-I am really guilty of interrupting others.  This article by my friend and college Ivy Meadors of High Tech High Touch Solutions really got me thinking so I wanted to share it with you.

How Do You Feel When Someone Interrupts You?

Interruption one of my pet peeves. I have been known to make the same mistake too - all of us do, from time to time. There are people who do it constantly though, and no matter how often they are called on it, they don't modify the behavior.

It is not only inconsiderate and disrespectful, it can damage your communication efforts. Groups of people who do not listen to one another are hurting the team... risk having a negative impact on handling a situation correctly.

It seems some people prefer to talk over one another constantly, or simply do not pay attention to what their colleagues or customers are trying to talk with them about. Sometimes, this is an ego-centric issue. In other cases, it is a behavioral thing. For instance, people who have ADHD tend to interrupt more often because their brain works differently. Some people don't even think about the fact they are interrupting others, until it is pointed out to them. The younger generations are pros at interrupting. They need direction to understand the importance of changing this behavior.

If you, or your team members, tend to interrupt people, you can start training today to modify this behavior using a cell phone. Since the wireless systems have a small delay in the signal (latency), you can use that as a "timer" to remind you to pause longer. Try to avoid interrupting the people you speak to on your cell phone and you will likely see an improvement in how often you interrupt others.

You've probably watched programs who have someone on a remote video conference call over satellite (i.e. Anderson Cooper, Oprah) and noticed how they have learned to wait for an answer instead of talking over one another.  Try waiting to hear the other person's' response before speaking. You will have a much better exchange of information and your listener will feel like you have more respect for them and are interested in what they have to say. You'll be surprised what you will "hear".

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So I returned from the Dr.’s office with my RX for antibiotics and strict instructions. “No Talking.”  
I come back surrounded by the folks who urged, begged me to go to the Dr.  When I said “I am not allowed to talk for the next 36 hours. Then only for my work with a client. Then no more talking until Friday.”  Everyone seemed fine.  Until they needed something…
 
Then my doctor’s directions were irritating. It happened over and over again.  People would come up start talking to me ( not with “yes” or “no” answers, but full sentences and expecting me to answer in full sentences.)

 Everyone knew that there was a RX to help things get better, but everyone fell into their old habit patterns.

Even after the 36 hours with the little reprieve, they still came.  “I thought it was only 36 hours.”  “come on you are OK to talk now.’  (My voice is still hoarse)

 How does this relate to conflict resolution?  Easy.  People may recognize the need to change habit patterns, but once it becomes an effort. They balk. Say that the change really isn’t necessary. (even though 24 hours ago it was)

 The result is that there has to be at least 1 person who is stubborn enough to stick to it. Tenaciously stick to it. Until the new way of doing becomes more ingrained.

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Take the Scary out of performance reviews.

          One of my heroes is Sue Pivetta. Sue started a 911 call center training company. I met her during my work with Pierce County Center for Dispute Resolution. She is a rock star and committed to making the workplace better.

This blog is from her latest newsletter & provides great tips on how to conduct performance reviews so that they are less scary & uncomfortable.

Feel Good Going In

 1. Start with YOU.

You will feel better about giving evaluations if you are not stressed for time. Be prepared and feel good that what you have in your evaluation document is representative of your true measurement. Double check to make sure you aren't evaluating on a) historical perceptions b) rumor c) conjecture d) isolated incidents. And yes - SMILE this is a time to really connect with someone important.

 Know Your Direction

 2. Read Everything

Before you sit down to evaluate someone, read everything you can about their past evaluations, any notes from or to them, their training records. Get a full history of this person in order to know the direction you need this person go.

Be sure to discuss the person's history with them. Some people drag negative history around like a stinky bag of dead fish.

This may be a good time to encourage a new direction. You do that by letting the person open up the bag and have someone really listen. Some people however, love their negativity so often it's important to be very clear about the idea of LETTING GO of historical 'wrongs' and moving forward towards a more peaceful career and more job satisfaction.

 Understand What 

 3. Understand why you are evaluating.

Without good evaluation systems the agency has NO idea what is happening compared to what is 'supposed' to happen with individuals, shifts, the entire agency. Good evals provide responsible supervision and direction.

Also evaluations provide documentation of agency accountability to manage the Center responsibly. Regular evals improve communications and morale. Through evals, the agency can look for common themes and if found can set goals for organizational training.

Evaluations can be pro-active noticing of potentially dangerous practices, methods and habits before they become a problem. Individual evaluations can be used for analysis for future training needs.

 It's All About Me

 4.Time to listen to them.

Typical evaluations may say the evaluator talks, the person being evaluated listens - sign here and don't let the door hit you on your way out.

A productive evaluation allows time for the employee to share, vent, question, advise, offer and feel heard. Now, to feel heard, a person must not feel the evaluator is defensive and can be trusted with very important (to them) private or emotional information.

Let down, let go, allow and relax when listening.

 Because I Said So!

 5. Bring your measurement to the table.

Authentic assessment can only take place after measurement. Authentic assessment takes place repeatedly over a long period of time, not the day before the evaluation. Patterns of success and failure are observed and reported from the work.

Your measurement tool is listening to a series of the person's 'work' on tape - not by osmosis[at work]. Bring the 'work' to the session and study it together. "How do you think you did with this [project]?"

email: sue@911trainer.com

phone: 1.800.830.8228

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F.I.N.E. = faulty, inferior, no good, erroneous

I am a huge fan of  Patrick Williams.  He is an expert in communication and building relationships.  Yes, he is a salesman extra ordinare.  I subscribe to Patrick's "Sales Tip of the Day."  He has some real gems of information on how to care for customers, energize yourself, & the importance of knowing-really knowing your craft.  (See his contact information below).

Several months ago Patrick sent out this little gem.  I know that I am guilty of saying "fine" when what I really mean is "NO! IT IS NOT FINE."   

Read on about F.I.N.E.  Although Partick uses the example of a poor experience at a restaruant, the principle rings true for workplace encounters too.  Finally, take Patrick's advice and move to solutions!

F.I.N.E.

Have you ever had a less than perfect experience at a restaurant??

Not so bad that you complained about anything, but not the best quality either.  And when the server came around to ask how everything was, you just answered "fine" rather than reveal what you really thought.

We both know that "fine" is not good.

Fine is the enemy of fantastic.

F.I.N.E. stands for "faulty, inferior, no good, erroneous".

Have any of your customers said that your product, service or treatment was just "fine'?  Whenever that happens, you can bet that something is not quite right.  

If you want to keep that customer, dig a little deeper to uncover the problem so you can fix it.

© 2010 YOU ROCK!^(TM) Communications

REQUEST LINE IS OPEN - Got a sales or marketing challenge?  Send an email with the details, and I'll share some ideas in a future sales tip.

-----

Patrick Williams, Hit-Maker 
Helping people and businesses be #1 in their market!
http://www.YouRockCommunications.com  ·  253-318-7503

LinkedIn - http://www.linkedin.com/in/PatrickLWilliams
Twitter - http://twitter.com/yourocktm

YOU ROCK Communications
10408 Bujacich Rd NW
Gig Harbor, WA 98332
USA

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Same song different day.  “Carol, he is a good person. BUT he wants everyone to be happy and will not confront people and hold people accountable”

This statement drives me crazy!!! Why?  Because it is what the folks a Crucial Conversations would call a “Sucker’s Choice.”  That is a belief that people will either be happy or be held accountable.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE hear me!  It is not an either or choice. In fact, it is one choice. Hold them accountable in a humane and predictable way by articulating your expectations.  People will not be happy with you if they feel blindsided by allegations that they are not performing their jobs.  While it is excellent that people are happy at their jobs, it is not the function of business or government to pay people to be happy.  The function of work is work.

If managers, supervisors or leads are  ALLOWING PEOPLE TO FAIL BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO UNCOMFORTABLE TO BE GENUINE WITH THEM THEN SHAME ON YOU!

Here is the good news.  The conversation is likely not as uncomfortable as you imagine it to be.  Talk about your expectations, your assumptions, and the benchmarks.  Easy.  The conversation is not about their personality traits or lack of skill, or other potentially demeaning stuff.  It is about what the job is and requires.

Will there be push back. YEP. Especially, if you spring this on them.  Instead do some prep work with the entire group so everyone is moving forward.

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