Same song different day.  “Carol, he is a good person. BUT he wants everyone to be happy and will not confront people and hold people accountable”

This statement drives me crazy!!! Why?  Because it is what the folks a Crucial Conversations would call a “Sucker’s Choice.”  That is a belief that people will either be happy or be held accountable.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE hear me!  It is not an either or choice. In fact, it is one choice. Hold them accountable in a humane and predictable way by articulating your expectations.  People will not be happy with you if they feel blindsided by allegations that they are not performing their jobs.  While it is excellent that people are happy at their jobs, it is not the function of business or government to pay people to be happy.  The function of work is work.

If managers, supervisors or leads are  ALLOWING PEOPLE TO FAIL BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO UNCOMFORTABLE TO BE GENUINE WITH THEM THEN SHAME ON YOU!

Here is the good news.  The conversation is likely not as uncomfortable as you imagine it to be.  Talk about your expectations, your assumptions, and the benchmarks.  Easy.  The conversation is not about their personality traits or lack of skill, or other potentially demeaning stuff.  It is about what the job is and requires.

Will there be push back. YEP. Especially, if you spring this on them.  Instead do some prep work with the entire group so everyone is moving forward.

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Hope and faith are important things.  I don't think that humans could survive with out hope and faith.  Unfortuately, too often hope and faith are used to make promotional decisions.

Case on point: hoping that the Star Performer will become a Star Leader.

By placing faith in  a Star Performer to transform into a Star Leader is foolish.  A well-intentioned, but foolish, choice that places the organizatioh at risk and can negatively impact peoples lives.

It is often said that "people don't leave companies; they leave bosses."  The traits that make some one look like great pomotion potential from above: task focused, high achiever, go-getter, works well with out direction, innovator, driven are THE SAME traits that can make poor leaders.

Why?

Because the go-getter attitude may sideline important LEADERSHIP TRAITS such as empathy, time to listen, relationship building, willingness to listen to contrary opinions, in short...all those elements that insprie TRUST in others.

Without TRUST from those who CHOOSE to follow-there is NO LEADER . Therefore, NO LEADERSHIP.

So look beyond, the Star Performance. Look to the ACTUAL STAR LEADERSHIP that currently exists.

Who do people TRUST in the organization?

Who looks out for their TEAM as much as themselves?

Who continually holds themselves ACCOUNTABLE?

Who is ADMIRED by thier peers, not just liked by those up the food chain?

Who has a THIRST for learning?

Who has the HUMILITY to know that there is alot to learn-no matter how long they have been around the block?

Who WOULD YOU CHOOSE TO FOLLOW COME HELL OR HIGH WATER OR BOTH?

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I came across this interesting article on honey bees.  What had me stop in my tracks was this quote by Beekeeper Jerry Webb, " It [the hive] is a perfect society. You're either useful or you're dead".

How much of management theory is in part based on this premise?  Just wondering....

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“Sometimes emotions get in the way of judgment.” So says Richard Robbins, an Atlanta based employment law attorney. Robbins comments were based on the Wrongful Termination lawsuit that former Motorola CFO has brought.

Here is the short version. Motorola CFO made remarks during a Board meeting intending to rally the Board to action. It worked, but the Hornets went after him instead. The very next day, he was fired. He now is suing. So whose emotions got in the way of judgment? My educated guess is everyone’s over a long period of time.

For more of the details check out this article on Corporate Counsel Center . Frankly, I find it somewhat refreshing that SOMEONE has acknoweldged that emotions can impact decisions and that a breakdown of a working relationship can and DOES lead to bad stuff happening—even in the C Suite.

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I am a geek for reading articles about leadership. Why? Because I hear over and over and over again from folks that they are desparate for

According to the authors (didn’t save that part of the article) six attributes that distinguish successful collaborative leaders:- Here is their list and my (sometimes snarky) comments.

Patience

Amen to that! But Patience for what??? Dealing with people most likely. Yet, how many executives actually, exhibit this so that the people feel it? Most people want others to be patient with them, but patient doesn’t mean sacrificing business objectives so that people have unlimited time “to figure it out”. Patience generally comes from the leader knowing what the answer is and giving the other person room to figure it out.

Collective decision-making

CONFLICT HANDLING!

Leaders lead by example. You may be the best business person ever, but if you can’t set the tone at the highest levels for how differing opinions and poor behavior is addressed, no one will follow you through a buffet line let alone a risky venture or a new initiative.

So … how do you stack up, as a leader? As an informal leader? Is there more to add to the discussion? Eagerly awaiting your comments…..

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Conflict, conflict, conflict. I love conflict. It is amazing what lengths managers and companies go to to avoid addressing conflict. I regularly attend a local Recognition Roundtable sponsored by Recognition Works. Simply, it is an informal gathering of employees who are trying to create or sustain recognition programs. Why do I go? Because sometimes -well … often – employees and managers mistakenly try to use a recognition program to address a workplace conflict issue.

Workplace conflict and tension cannot be resolved by implementing an employee recognition program – unless the cause of the problem is lack of recognition and appreciation. Otherwise, time, effort and $$$ are wasted on the wrong solution.

So what do conflict and recognition have in common? When done well, there is an increased sense of well being and engagement in the workforce. WHY? Because recognition involves acknowledging the needs and values of the employees and managers. SO DOES RESOLVING WORKPLACE CONFLICT.

Here are some statistics that show the importance of recognition. When I see these stats, I think how easy it is to improve the workplace and how easy it is to spoil the workplace.

1. 91% of employees ranked "recognition for a job well done" as important for motivation.Recognition Professionals International (RPI)

2. 79% of employees who quit their jobs cite "lack of appreciation" as the #1 reason for leaving.Jackson Organization

3. Managers are the single largest influence on employee retention and productivity. Gallup Organization

4. 65% disagreed with the following statement: "My supervisor does a good job recognizing my accomplishments." RPI

5. Training managers on the right way to deliver recognition increases recognition usage by more than 30 percent – which has a direct impact on employee retention and engagement. Dose of Recognition Newsletter, Gostick & Elton

6. 30% of employees improve performance after being criticized. 90% improve performance after being praised. J. Pfeffer, Stanford School of Business

7. As the economy improves, 83% of employees indicate they plan to look for a new job; 34% of those are your top performers. SHRM

8. It takes an average of 2.5 times a person’s salary to find a replacement. Sharon Jordan Evans, Love ‘Em or Lose ‘Em

9. Companies that have a thriving employee recognition strategy are more profitable – outperforming S&P 500 companies by 30-40%. Contented Cows Give Better Milk

10. Companies that have an employee recognition strategy have 50% less turnover than companies that don’t recognize their employees. Contented Cows Give Better Milk

11. In 2006, "recognition & trust" were identified as key factors in creating and sustaining a positive work culture in the 100 Best Companies to Work For. Fortune Magazine

Compiled by Recognition Works

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So what do to be a great employer? Well lots of things. My focus is on how the culture and the management treats employees (even the management) and how organizations foster good conflict management. As you may know, I regularly write a Free Enews (see www.managingconflict.com) to help people deal with workplace tension and conflict.

I solicit feedback. Here is one piece of feedback that got me thinking and my response.

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I read your newsletter every time it comes and I like the format generally. I am trying to think why it doesn’t really grab me.

I think I finally figured it out.

Human resources and work place conflicts are due to people getting together to do business. It is like carpooling. If the driver is reckless the ride will be difficult not to mention the wear and tear on the occupants and the business/vehicle itself. But if the ride is smooth and deliberate the ride will be successful with pleasant and comfortable occupants.

It is almost as if the part of business is ignored unintentionally. I wonder how many owners come away with this same feeling. Unless a conflict rears its head I am not going to worry about this. It is like business fraud though – only a fraction of the amount that is really going on gets detected and then by accident after a great part of the damage has been done. These are just my thoughts – I may be wrong.

- DAN

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Carol Responds:
Awesome insight. Conflict does lurk under the surface and often goes undetected. AND well run work places often take what goes well for granted.

So let�s take the conversation to a different place. I want to hear from those of you whose workplaces DO handle things well. What are your secrets, tactics, strategies?

So folks, what are your secrets, tactics, and strategies. What does your company or a singular person do that makes your workplace fairly stress free?

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I hate feeling torpedoed at work!!! Well, it wasn’t quite a torpedo hit more like a punch in the gut. Yes, me the Workplace Conflict Queen. I, too, at times am in the line of fire. Amazing. Particularly, since I own the company.

Here is what happened. I regularly instruct a Basic Mediation Course for a local community based mediation center & I LOVE it. Training on the critical life skills of conflict resolution is something that I look forward to every year. Well, this was the week for the training. There was a lot of preparation. The group was resonating with the material. At the close of the day, I congratulated the participants on a job well done, handed out the evaluations, and bid them so long for now.

So here is where the punch in the gut part comes…one of the evaluations said that the person did not like my style of presenting "too physical" and "she flipped her hair".Nothing about the content or the key learning points or the interactive exercises (which others really liked). Just something that was more about them then me.

The comment stung. My first response was "Wow-Ouch." My second response was "Now, WHAT am I supposed to do with this big poop that has been dropped on my shoe!!!!!"

Now let me say this. I speak and train for a living. I have spoken before hundreds of people. I am confident in my abilities in the content area and in presentation skills. I have never gotten any feedback like that. It felt weird and inappropriate.

So, I needed to practice some of what I preach about how to handle conflict in the workplace. First, I needed to step back and ask if ANYTHING about the comment was legitimate.

I decided "No". Why "no." Simple. The comment had nothing to do with content or substance AND was off the chart from any of the other feedback. Nothing else said by the other participants was even the same ballpark. The person stated that he or she felt weird with my physical presence. Is that something that I am responsible for? No. Am I responsible for making sure that I am dressed professionally and do not purposefully and inappropriately raise issues that may transgress guidelines for a discrimination/hostile free learning environment? Yes. Absolutely. Did I do anything to cross a line of good taste or decorum? No. Yet, the comment still bothered me.

Why, because the message that I took away is that the person did not view me in the same light that I view myself- as a confident and competent professional. Unfortunately, I will bet that many of you can relate to that feeling. It is a bummer. I hate feeling that way at work.

Here is how I got over it…As I mentioned, I took a step back and asked "Is anything said here legitimate?" Second, I really thought about whether that comment was for my benefit or theirs. From what I could tell there was nothing in that comment or any others from that person designed to help me or in any way benefit me or the organizers of the program. It, in essence, was all about them. So I let it alone.

It was all about them. Not me. So I let it go…after venting to a girlfriend and having a glass of wine or two. And my friend, did just want a friend would do. Honestly tell me if there was anything that I should take from it or just move on. So I have moved on…Really…that is why I am blogging on it. To take this experience and turn it into a lesson and by doing so let it go. Now I am sure that I am not the only one out there who has received weird and inappropriate feedback. What have you done with it? Anything? Willing to share? I would love to hear your insights.

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Yes, you read that correctly.”Men Don’t Whinny.” Recall last month’s eNews and how women use the power of the group to reward or punish. Now, let’s take a look at the other side. The guy side and some might even say the”right side”.

Now, some of you might be thinking”Who the heck is this Woman to talk about how men do it, don’t do it, or how they do it.” How do I know? I asked…MEN. Lots of them. I asked a High School Football Coach. A Marketing Executive. A CPA. A Human Resources Professional. Lawyers. Airline Pilots. Management Consultants. I asked. I listened. I took copious notes. I stopped talking and took a look around. This is what I heard and saw and what took me by surprise.

Recall, for the majority of women- it is all about the relationship and fitting in to the group. Contrast this to, well, the male dynamic.

Men don’t care about the group. There is no group. There is only the task…and trust…and respect.

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