"Conflict is the sound made by cracks in your system."

So says my colleague Ms. Sue Pivetta.  Here are some more words of wisdom from Sue.

 “ [Conflict] is contradictory forces co-existing in a single space. So, when conflict happens, you could recognize the great opportunity for a leader to show leadership by filling NEEDS. Or by setting limits on behavior that is the result of immaturity in the work place.

Yet in conflict people tend to: (1) avoid, ignore the conflict and hold resentment (2) deny the conflict; what conflict (3) react emotionally; become aggressive, reclusive, victimized, or defensive (4) blame the other (5) delegate the situation to someone else - generally a supervisor.

As a leader it is important to become the 'curious observer' and not the victim of this stuff. It is also important as the observer to understand ALL BEHAVIOR MAKES SENSE (it's about need silly). Doesn't mean all behavior is acceptable though!!!”

Amen!

Consequently, if you were to analyze your departmental & organizational culture which of the 5 responses to conflict do you see the most? Digging deeper, how do individual team members respond to the conflict? 

If you have someone who denies and minimizes working with someone who holds onto resentment & keeps a secret score card, you will be hearing loud cracking noises in the form of gossip, complaints, and coalition building.

As a leader, set down the expectations of behavior. Play mediator when you need to.  Umpire when you must. Finally, take personal accountability that as a leader you are ultimately responsible for the team. Its’ performance. Its’ emotional climate. Its’ dysfunction.

Good luck!

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Marine (YouTube) Scandal & Blood sucking Fiends Teach About Management

Many of you have seen or heard about You Tube video showing US Marines urinating on bodies.  Marine Corps leadership called the actions "wholly inconsistent with the high standards of conduct and warrior ethos that we have demonstrated throughout our history."  Investigators are trying to determine whether the commanders knew of the misconduct or whether a breakdown in discipline occurred.

For those of you who are in a position of responsibility, look for the lesson here:

THE POLICIES YOU SPOUT ARE WORTHLESS UNLESS FOLLOWED.

PEOPLE WILL DO WHAT THEY WANT IF THEY THINK NO ONE IS LOOKING OR IF THEY THINK YOU WOULD DO THE SAME.

So what does Blood sucking Fiends have to do with this? Plenty. Blood sucking Fiends  is a book by author Christopher Moore (also author of another great management title Practical Demon Keeping). The story revolves around vampires, San Francisco, and a group of employees known as “the Animals.”

The Animals work for Safeway as the night stock crew. Their favorite past time at work, other than getting drunk, is turkey bowling.  According to Wikipedia,

“Turkey bowling is a sport which is based on ordinary bowling: a frozen turkey serves as a bowling ball and 10 plastic bottles of soft drinks or water are the bowling pins. The turkey is bowled down a smooth surface, for example, ice.”

What is the link you might be asking between Turkey Bowling and desecrating the dead-lack of supervision, lip service (at best), abandonment (bad) of organizational principles, or a complete “screw you” attitude (very worst).

Take a minute to think about it.  Then step up to the plate and do the right thing.

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Is the world full of “Self Entitled Babies”?

In a Twitter post some time back I asked “Are employees seizing the day or seizing the pay?”  One response was telling “It’s all about the pay in this world of self entitled babies. I see so many 70 % out there it’s amazing anything gets done”.

Apparently, some feel employers aren’t doing enough to drive performance while other feel employers aren’t doing enough to meet needs.  Are the two related-who really knows.  My bet is that it isn’t the same for everyone.

What is amazing to me is the amount of mutual resentment that is out there.  Here is what folks don’t seem to get:

1. It is the employee’s responsibility to look after themselves.
2. When negotiating salary, PEOPLE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SELF-INTERESTED. 
3. Our culture equates pay with value.
4. People equate level of pay with Personal Value.
5. Everyone knows an overpaid idiot.
6. Life is expensive. We need money to survive.
7. Most people have ZERO concept about the true Fair Market Value (FMV) of their services.  They don't see what others are paid. 
8. HR & MANAGEMENT ASKS people what their last salary was to determine how much they are “worth” then get upset when prospective employees decline to provide the information. THUS, no fair turning around and becoming miffed when people want more money because they believe that they are delivering value.
9. Employees believe that they are doing the work required of the job. If they are not, that is an issue of management failing to manage.
10. Who wasn’t a whining, overly entitled cry baby at 20?  Seriously, most employees entering the work force have to be trained to be employees.  They have little or no real life experience. Did you really expect a worldly wise 20 something?

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F.I.N.E. = faulty, inferior, no good, erroneous

I am a huge fan of  Patrick Williams.  He is an expert in communication and building relationships.  Yes, he is a salesman extra ordinare.  I subscribe to Patrick's "Sales Tip of the Day."  He has some real gems of information on how to care for customers, energize yourself, & the importance of knowing-really knowing your craft.  (See his contact information below).

Several months ago Patrick sent out this little gem.  I know that I am guilty of saying "fine" when what I really mean is "NO! IT IS NOT FINE."   

Read on about F.I.N.E.  Although Partick uses the example of a poor experience at a restaruant, the principle rings true for workplace encounters too.  Finally, take Patrick's advice and move to solutions!

F.I.N.E.

Have you ever had a less than perfect experience at a restaurant??

Not so bad that you complained about anything, but not the best quality either.  And when the server came around to ask how everything was, you just answered "fine" rather than reveal what you really thought.

We both know that "fine" is not good.

Fine is the enemy of fantastic.

F.I.N.E. stands for "faulty, inferior, no good, erroneous".

Have any of your customers said that your product, service or treatment was just "fine'?  Whenever that happens, you can bet that something is not quite right.  

If you want to keep that customer, dig a little deeper to uncover the problem so you can fix it.

© 2010 YOU ROCK!^(TM) Communications

REQUEST LINE IS OPEN - Got a sales or marketing challenge?  Send an email with the details, and I'll share some ideas in a future sales tip.

-----

Patrick Williams, Hit-Maker 
Helping people and businesses be #1 in their market!
http://www.YouRockCommunications.com  ·  253-318-7503

LinkedIn - http://www.linkedin.com/in/PatrickLWilliams
Twitter - http://twitter.com/yourocktm

YOU ROCK Communications
10408 Bujacich Rd NW
Gig Harbor, WA 98332
USA

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Yes, conflict is contagious! Suprised? I will bet not. Emotion is contageous. As contageous as a yawn or the Swine Flu.You can’t be responsible for someone else’s happiness or anger. You can only be responsible for yourself BUT you can take a tempurature of the emotional environment of your workplace.

Are people laughing? Are people talking about each other or to each other? Is there something in place to help people handle stress?

Here is my advice.

Ask yourself these questions:

How am I doing with this work environment–really?

What is really freaking me out?

What am I disappointed with?

Would my co-workers or boss agree with me or would they describe me differently?

What one thing can I do to help me make it to lunch? To the end of the day? To the end of the week?

Then- seek out others just to say hello and how is it going. If you are concerned, share your concern then share what you are doing to make it through the day.

Why? Because unless the GIANT Pink Elephant in the room is addressed it will grow and suck the life force out of everyone. The result is that the conflict s.unless identified and addressed the emotional climate will worsen.

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Look at those pretty silos. Unfortunately, silos at work are not so pretty. Business consultants/ and HR geeks like me, referr to deliberate lack of communciation and hard boundaries between divisions or departments as “silos”.

Did you know that “silo-ing” can also take place in small and very small employers or work groups. Symptoms of siloing are lack or communication, miscommunication, or obfuscation. It can also come informs of emotional shut down at work, not talking, not even looking at each other.

What is scary about silos is this….most people don’t recognize that they contribute to the siloing. Consider this…

When is the last time that you made eye contact with a co-worker? The last time you spoke to someone–maybe even the person with the desk next to you– just to acknowledge their existence, not to make a request for information.

Here is my challenge to you….just observe yourself. Are you creating a mini silo farm? Do you see it going on around you? If so, break the silo effect. Just say “hi”.

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I just read this great article by Jocelyn Noveck of the Associated Press about (now former) Governor of New York-Eliot Spitzer. The headline read "Why the powerful do dumb things?" As someone who regularly dives into situation where people made some pretty poor choice. Ms. Noveck had me hooked. She then had me laughing and nodding with 100% agreement.

" Yet, if the New York Governor is proved to have been involved in a prostitution ring, it would hardly be the first time that a powerful, brilliant person in public life has done something dizzyingly self destructive."

Dizzyingly self destructive. I love that quote and as a person who steps in to messes at work. I say that Ms. Novek is on the mark. Much of what I see is that people create circumstances where they get in their own way-primarily by making poor choices. Choices, by the way, that seemed like a good idea at the time. So Governor Spitzer, I am sure that calling a prostitute from a hotel room seemed like a viable option to pass the time…whatever.

However, talk about not seeing the forest for the trees. I think had he asked for some advice or disclosed his idea to a trusted adviser-even his dog- his actions might have been different. Yet, how often do we make choices in secret. Don’t seek objective feedback. Bounce ideas off of someone to our detriment?

Here is the other part of the article that I really liked " In order to be such a high profile position, you have to believe that what you are din gin innately right"

So how does this apply to the average working person, manager, or owner? Simple, we too lack introspection. Managers-realistically- can not delve in to deep consequential analysis with every decision. The nature of management is to make decisions-often decisions that impact the lives of others.

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I hate feeling torpedoed at work!!! Well, it wasn’t quite a torpedo hit more like a punch in the gut. Yes, me the Workplace Conflict Queen. I, too, at times am in the line of fire. Amazing. Particularly, since I own the company.

Here is what happened. I regularly instruct a Basic Mediation Course for a local community based mediation center & I LOVE it. Training on the critical life skills of conflict resolution is something that I look forward to every year. Well, this was the week for the training. There was a lot of preparation. The group was resonating with the material. At the close of the day, I congratulated the participants on a job well done, handed out the evaluations, and bid them so long for now.

So here is where the punch in the gut part comes…one of the evaluations said that the person did not like my style of presenting "too physical" and "she flipped her hair".Nothing about the content or the key learning points or the interactive exercises (which others really liked). Just something that was more about them then me.

The comment stung. My first response was "Wow-Ouch." My second response was "Now, WHAT am I supposed to do with this big poop that has been dropped on my shoe!!!!!"

Now let me say this. I speak and train for a living. I have spoken before hundreds of people. I am confident in my abilities in the content area and in presentation skills. I have never gotten any feedback like that. It felt weird and inappropriate.

So, I needed to practice some of what I preach about how to handle conflict in the workplace. First, I needed to step back and ask if ANYTHING about the comment was legitimate.

I decided "No". Why "no." Simple. The comment had nothing to do with content or substance AND was off the chart from any of the other feedback. Nothing else said by the other participants was even the same ballpark. The person stated that he or she felt weird with my physical presence. Is that something that I am responsible for? No. Am I responsible for making sure that I am dressed professionally and do not purposefully and inappropriately raise issues that may transgress guidelines for a discrimination/hostile free learning environment? Yes. Absolutely. Did I do anything to cross a line of good taste or decorum? No. Yet, the comment still bothered me.

Why, because the message that I took away is that the person did not view me in the same light that I view myself- as a confident and competent professional. Unfortunately, I will bet that many of you can relate to that feeling. It is a bummer. I hate feeling that way at work.

Here is how I got over it…As I mentioned, I took a step back and asked "Is anything said here legitimate?" Second, I really thought about whether that comment was for my benefit or theirs. From what I could tell there was nothing in that comment or any others from that person designed to help me or in any way benefit me or the organizers of the program. It, in essence, was all about them. So I let it alone.

It was all about them. Not me. So I let it go…after venting to a girlfriend and having a glass of wine or two. And my friend, did just want a friend would do. Honestly tell me if there was anything that I should take from it or just move on. So I have moved on…Really…that is why I am blogging on it. To take this experience and turn it into a lesson and by doing so let it go. Now I am sure that I am not the only one out there who has received weird and inappropriate feedback. What have you done with it? Anything? Willing to share? I would love to hear your insights.

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