I just found your site, it’s full of useful info.
About this post, I’m a recovering “sucker”. I used to avoid confrontation in the hopes of keeping people happy. Just like you say in your post, it doesn’t work, it’s actually counterproductive and makes people very unhappy when they are finally confronted or held accountable.

It’s best to just practice being upfront with people from the time you first deal with them.

Carol I completely agree with this. While the old addage “Actions speak louder than words” rings true, in this case inaction speaks volumes of its own! Bottom line – Managers take a paycheck to “Manage”! It is not only the responsibility but the obligation of the Manager to create a work environment that is conductive to fair and equitable treatment of all. A Manager who chooses to remove the consequences for actions not only rewards counterproductive behavior through their silence but in fact punishes those who do strive to do their best every day. What incentive would an employee have to meet or exceed standards when they are treated exactly the same as those who don’t? If you were in this position how would you feel toward the coworker whose rules seem different from everyone else? How would you feel toward your Manager? How would you feel toward your Company? How appreciated and loyal would you be?

A “Manager” who behaves in such a manner not only cheats those that do meet expectations but they rob those who may not be meeting expectations the opportunity to correct the behavior. As much as we would like to believe that what is expected is the exactly same as what is understood we have seen time and time again that is not the case. Conversations such as these do not have to be about confrontation as much as clarification. Employees in this situation will never be “happy” if they are not provided proper information. In circumstances such as this no one is “Happy”. The other employees will not be “happy”, the employee who may feel the barbs from their co-workers and not understand why will not be “happy”, the good person manager can’t be “happy” with standards not being met and staff holding an undertow of resentment and I can guarantee the person the rung above the “Manager” will not be “happy” with declining productivity and profit. The end result here can only be a loss of earning potential and decrease in the overall success of the organization. In times like these we all know that the bottom line speaks for itself.