Conflict Management Strategies eNewsletter Vol IV, Issue 2, February 2007 Reading: Lost in the Woods Action Tools Where's Carol??		Organizations hire Carol to address their workplace conflict, train employees in conflict resolution skills, and evaluate internal conflict resolution processes…Bring Carol to your organization by calling (253) 219-5532.  Visit www.ManagingConflict.com for free articles and tips on resolving conflict at work.
We spend so much of our waking hours at work for it to be an uncomfortable, stressful place. I want to help you bring your best to the workplace and handle sticky situations gracefully and improve your working relationships. These Conflict Management Strategies are intended to help you accomplish that.

According to Gary Harper, author of The Joy of Conflict Resolution, "Asking [for what we want] is both uncomfortable and empowering.  It's uncomfortable because we can no longer blame others and refuse to change, empowering because we become an active participant in changing our life.  To reap the rewards of assertiveness, we have to risk the discomfort of confronting the person or the problem."

Right on, Gary!  (For those who are interested Gary along with me and other professional conflict resolution types will be presenting at the Northwest ADR Conference in May. See Where's Carol below for the link) 

Now, here is where most folks take the wrong fork in the road, deviating from the road to resolution onto the dark, scary uncomfortable road.  Most people don't know how to ask or be assertive without shaming and blaming...

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Action Tools

These action tools are designed to help you defuse Shame and Blame in conversations.

If someone is shaming or blaming you:

• Try, really try to take the comments as that person's way of expressing their frustration around the issue because they care about the situation. 
• Recognize that shaming and blaming tactics are VERY EFFECTIVE in getting attention to issue.  Focus your attention on the issue, not the baiting language.
• Ignore their unproductive comments & Restate their concerns.
• Move to Problem Solving.  Be warned that people who use shame & blame to raise the issue, rarely have problem solving skills that is why they use shame and blame.  So it is up to you to keep the conversation focused on the issue and keep it moving forward.
• REPEAT STEPS AS NECESSARY.  Sometimes it takes a few tries to find your way out of the woods.

If YOU fall into the tempting trap of shaming and blaming:

• As soon as you recognize that you have personalized the problem or concern, Stop.  By blaming someone else you disempowered yourself.
• If you entered the conversation with shame or blame, take a quick mental rest stop.  Re-enter  the conversation with a better frame of mind.
• Apologize for not starting correctly and ask if you can begin the conversation again.  An apology is a surprisingly powerful method because it forces you to be accountable for yourself & people really respond to that.

Don't be surprised if you or the other person(s) alternate between the initiator of SHAME AND BLAME  and the recipient.  When talking about things we care about (our jobs, our families….ourselves), taking the wrong fork in the road is a seductive choice.

Choose the correct fork in the road; however, if you find yourself lost in the woods, use these action tools.  Your relationships will improve.  Tell me how it goes.

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Visit our website for more information about
Conflict Management Strategies: MORE

Where's Carol??

Organizations hire Carol to address their workplace conflict, train employees in conflict resolution skills, and evaluate internal conflict resolution processes…Bring Carol to your organization by calling (253) 219-5532.  Visit www.ManagingConflict.com for free articles and tips on resolving conflict at work.

March 16-18 & 31, April 1, 2007
Lead Mediation Trainer
Pierce County Center for Dispute Resolution
Basic Mediation Training.
www.pccdr.org

March 27, 2007
Fife Chamber of Commerce Employer Solutions Seminar
Rushforth Construction

"What Men Need to Know About Women,
Conflict & Workplace-But were too freaked out to ask."

To Register call: 253-922-9320 / 800-305-9926

May 5, 2007
Northwest Alternate Dispute Resolution Conference
"The Human BLEVE"
www.mediate.com/nwadr or www.uwcle.org

July 20, 2007
Association of Public Safety Communication Officials
Washington State Conference
Wenatchee, WA

September 20, 2007
CFDD National Conference, Tacoma, WA
Co-Presentation with Jeanette Nyden,
Owner J. Nyden & Co.
www.JNyden.com
"They did what? Un-freaking'-believable! How people get in their own way during negotiations at work and what to do about it."

October 17, 2007
American Association of School Personnel Administrators
National Conference, Kansas City, MO

 

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Forward to a Friend

We welcome you to forward this issue.

We spend so much of our waking hours at work for it to be an uncomfortable, stressful place. I want to help you bring your best to the workplace and handle sticky situations gracefully and improve your working relationships. These Conflict Management Strategies are intended to help you accomplish that.

If you enjoy these articles, would you please forward this issue to other people who might enjoy it or benefit from it?

Please let others know they can sign up for their own subscription to these articles. All they have to do is click here www.managingconflict.com or cut and paste this address into their web browser to go to my web site where they can sign up and receive Carol Bowser's Conflict Management Strategies.

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I want to hear from YOU!

I want to know about your challenges in the workplace and your successes from using the tips and strategies discussed here or from a Conflict Management Strategies Training or Key Note Address! Is there a particular situation you are struggling with or a success you want to celebrate? Share it with me.

Here is how: Send an email to cb@managingconflict.com Describe the situation from your perspective, tell me what tip or strategy you used, and the results you had.

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COPYRIGHT AND REPRINTS

Reprint permission is granted when the following credit appears: "© Carol Bowser, JD, 2006. Reprinted with permission from 'Carol Bowser's Conflict Management Strategies,' an internet newsletter. For your own personal subscription, go to www.ManagingConflict.com.

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