Conflict Management Strategies eNewsletter
Vol IV, Issue 12, March 2008

• Reading: Avoiding "Dizzyingly" Self Destructive Behavior at Work
• Action Tools
• Ask Carol
• Workplace Conflict Expert Says...
• That's Worth Repeating
• Recommended Reading
• Where's Carol??

We spend so much of our waking hours at work for it to be an uncomfortable, stressful place. I want to help you bring your best to the workplace and handle sticky situations gracefully and improve your working relationships. These Conflict Management Strategies are intended to help you accomplish that.

Avoiding "Dizzyingly" Self Destructive Behavior at Work

I just read this great article by Jocelyn Noveck of the Associated Press about (now former) Governor of New York-Eliot Spitzer. The headline read “Why the powerful do dumb things?” As someone who regularly dives into situations where people made some pretty poor choices, the title had me hooked.  So I read on.  I laughed and stopped when I read this…

 

“Yet, if the New York Governor is proved to have been involved in a prostitution ring, it would hardly be the first time that a powerful, brilliant person in public life has done something dizzyingly self destructive.”

 

“Dizzyingly self destructive."  I love that quote. As a professional who steps in to messes at work, I say that Ms. Novek is on the mark. Much of what I see is that people create circumstances where they get in their own way –primarily by making poor choices. Choices, by the way, that seemed like a good idea at the time.

Hopefully those choices don’t fall into the “dizzyingly self destructive” category-too often.

I would bet that each of those self destructive decisions are made in secret.  Not discussed with anyone.  No feedback sought.

How often do you make choices in secret and without seeking feedback?  Let me ask the question this way, when was the last time you asked someone if you could bounce an idea off of them for the purpose of gaining additional insight.

Most of us seek feedback, not for advice or perspective, but for assurance.  BIG DIFFERENCE.

As a manager, supervisor, lead, CEO it is a critical part of your job to make decisions that impact people’s lives.  You owe it to them and to your self to genuinely seek feedback.  Below are some tools to get it.  Try them out.  You will be surprised at what you uncover.

Action Tools

These Action Tools are designed to help you seek feedback.  They are simple and can be used everyday. You might find that people at first might be reluctant to be genuine.  Keep at it.  You will begin to develop relationships with those who you seek.

1. Let people know that you are considering taking an action and that you are seeking feedback.
2. Give enough background so that the person knows the context of the decision.
3. Ask, “if you were me what elements would you consider?”
4. Follow up with, “what might I need to look out for?”
5. Then, ask “is there anything else that I should consider?”
6. Finally, say “Thanks” & don’t blow it by arguing with the person or telling them they don’t understand.  They understand based on what you told them.

Ask Carol

I regularly field questions from clients and conference participants. You know—those off to the side sort of questions that you are dying to get some feedback on. Here is your chance to pick my brain for FREE. Send me your questions about workplace tension, challenges with working relationships, how to over come bad "Mojo" at work.

Q: Carol, I have an employee that I manage who has a need to show that he is smarter than everyone.  When I try and set meetings with him, he says that he is sick and needs to go home.  One time he called security before stepping into a meeting with me.  My managers know about the situation and tell me to deal with him.  I am thinking about quitting.

 

 

A: Oh, my gosh.  It sounds as if this person is out there.  My guess is that he has been out there for a long time.  I wish that I had a magic tool for you. The reality is unless all of management is willing to back you on this and I mean as a group, you may just be a sacrificial lamb.  If it has gotten to the point that you fear for your safety it is time to leave.  In the meantime, don’t meet with this person alone.  Continue to do your work as best you can and document, document, document.  Be safe.

More new stuff!!! Conflict Management Strategies BLOG!!!
The Workplace Conflict Expert Says…

Everyday I come across examples of people getting in their own way, experiencing nasty stuff in the workplace. I shake my head because I know that I could have helped by providing some insights and tips. So did I just sit back and complain? (Yes. A lot. Ask my trusted advisors ….my friends…my husband…my dogs) However, I took my own sage advice and decided to move from complaining about “the collective turd in the middle of the room” to taking some well thought out action.

The result is “The Workplace Conflict Expert Says”. A blog devoted to providing insights and strategies to improve working relationships. Check it out. Tell me what you think. Post your response! Click here Insert hyper link or join me via the Conflict Management Strategies Inc Homepage www.ManagingConflict.com

That’s worth repeating…

"What we speak becomes the house we live in."

-- Hafiz

Recommended Reading

This book was recommended by a colleague- someone who focuses on results and not just hope.  He said it was good & I trust him.   I like the idea that it has a sense of hope and individual power.  Give it a read and tell me what you think.

The Magic of Thinking Big

Where's Carol???

April 15, 2008

Unfair v. Illegal: Avoiding Workplace Costs, Claims and Confusion

Law Offices of Rodger I Kohn

Seattle,WA

May 15, 2008

Washington Prosecutors Association

WAPA Support Staff Training Program

Sun Mountain Lodge, WA

www.waprosecutors.org

June 19, 2008

South Puget Sound Chapter Human Resource Management Association

How to Survive the Chaos, Commotion, and Caterwauling that comes from Organizational Change.

Tacoma, WA

spsnhrma.shrm.org

September  17, 2008

Northwest Human Resource Management Association-Regional Conference

Kennewick, WA

October 15, 2008

American Association of School Personnel-National Conference

Seattle,WA

Do you want to bring a dynamic speaker to your organization or conference?  Carol is scheduling engagements for 2008. 
Call or email now to bring Carol to you!
(253)219-5532
ContactUs@ManagingConflict.com

Visit our Resources page for free articles and tips on resolving conflict at work.