Conflict Management Strategies eNewsletter
Vol III, Issue 5, September, 2006

H.A.L.T. Before Jumping into the Fray.

Recently, I experienced the excitement and aggravation of purchasing a new home. Hours of work.  To put is mildly, it was stressful.

Many days, I was short on sleep, missed meals and frustrated by the "hurry up and wait" pace.  Frankly, I was Hungry, Frustrated, and Tired most of the month.  I was not my best: cranky and irritable. LUCKILY… I KNEW IT.

I don’t even want to think how much trouble I could have caused to my work-life, personal life, and financial security, if I did not slow down and acknowledge my needs before jumping into important conversations with co-workers, clients, or family members.

When we are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired, our immediate physiological and emotional needs take over.

Most of us have a very hard time thoughtfully engaging in conversation when our bodies or spirit are depleted.  We are more likely to do something short sighted if not plain dumb.

As the authors of "Crucial Conversations" tell us "it is hard to be at your best, when you are at your worst."  So when Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired, H.A.L.T!!!!

This strategy worked great for me while negotiating the Purchase and Sale Agreement for my new home. It was as simple as, "I am really hungry and a bit tired. Whenever I can I follow some wise advise I received from an expert negotiator, ‘never negotiate when Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired’.  Can I call you back in 15 minutes after I get something to eat?"

Notice that I first tuned in and acknowledged what my body was telling me. Next, I articulated it to the person trying to engage me in conversation.  Finally, asked if it was ok to reschedule and suggested a time and took responsibility for initiating the conversation.

I worked better.  The conversation worked better.  The deal was better because I knew to H.A.L.T!

Try it. See how your results improve.  Tell me how it goes.

Action Tools

You are never at your best when Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. Learn to check-in with yourself throughout the day and implement these tools before pursuing important conversations.

First, and most important:

• Tune in! Most folks muscle though most days.  Working on little sleep,  frustrated, or upset.  For some people this is "normal".  "Normal" or not, if you don’t tune in to your body, you could be sabotaging your self.  Ask yourself, how am I feeling?  Then LISTEN to what your body is telling you.

Second, decide what to do about it.

• Hungry:  Eat.  Go ahead. Tell the person that you are really hungry and can’t concentrate fully on what they are saying.  I have yet to have someone say, "No, I really don’t want you to understand what I have to say."
• Angry: Breathe & slow down. Here the benefit is double. 1) you'll be counteracting your own stress responses and increasing your ability to affectively respond and 2) your quieter, slower speech patterns will slow the pace, giving you more time to think.
• Lonely or Sad: Respond, Don't React. Take a minute to evaluate your initial reaction. Are you in the best place emotionally to make the right decision for you?  If not reschedule.
• Tired:  Reschedule if at all possible. Get some ZZZ’s if you can, if not take a quick walk 10-20 minutes.  This can re-energize you and dust off the cobwebs. Agree on a date and time to address the issue after you have re-thought your strategy and taken care of personal needs.
  
  

Where’s Carol???

September 20, 2006
South Puget Sound Chapter National Human Resource Management Association
Tacoma, Washington

"What the Mediator Saw:  The inside scoop on how HR inadvertently torpedoes itself and what to do about it.”

www.spsnhrma.org

October 4, 2006
Association of Public-Safety Communications Officials
Regional Conference
Helena, Montana

“Dealing with the Difficult, Really Difficult, & Just Plain Ugly:  Tactics to De-escalate, Validate, Navigate & Problem Solve”

www.mtapco.org

October 7, 8, 9, 21, 22
Pierce County Center for Dispute Resolution
Tacoma, Washington

Basic Mediation Training.

www.pccdr.org

November 4, 2006
Southern California Mediation Association
The Strauss Institute
Pepperdine University.
Santa Monica, California

18th Annual Conference:
Building Bridges –The Art and Science of Mediation.

www.scmediation.org
www.law.pepperdine.edu/straus/