Conflict Management Strategies eNewsletter
Vol IV, Issue 15, June 2008

• Reading: High performers—A Blessing and a Curse
• Action Tools
• Ask Carol
• That's Worth Repeating
• Blog Announcement
• eNews Archive
• Recommended Reading
• Where's Carol??

We spend so much of our waking hours at work for it to be an uncomfortable, stressful place. I want to help you bring your best to the workplace and handle sticky situations gracefully and improve your working relationships. These Conflict Management Strategies are intended to help you accomplish that.

High performers—A Blessing and a Curse

Most organizations pray for them, try to recruit them, and agonize how to retain them—The High Performing Employee.

But what happens when the fantasy of the High Performing Employee meets the reality of the particular and often idiosyncratic realities of a "High Performing Employee?" Conflict erupts!!! And most everyone is taken off guard.

The assumption for most employers is that "High Performer" = Low Maintenance. I hate to burst the bubble here, but it just ain’t so. In fact many high performers-particularly those who self-identify as high performers can be High Maintenance.

The High Performer knows what they like and don'’t like and have a very strong sense of "Leave Me Alone So That I Can Do My Job (by myself and if you can get rid of this "other" riff-raff that are impeding me from my peak performance, all the better)."

Often the High Performer views co-workers and management as preventing them from doing their best work. The High Performer may feel as though regulations, policies, and protocols are for those other folks and will view even the most forcefully articulated workplace rules as a work around.

If you upset the preferred workflow of a High Performer, you have just thrown a big ol' wrench in the monkey works. A disruption in their work rhythm turns a High Performer into a very upset person which will cause high levels of stress further impeding completion of tasks, higher level brain functioning –in essence Negative Spill Over.

The Negative Spill over manifests in inappropriate lashing out (sideways, down ways, and all sorts of inappropriate ways-peers, friends, spouse, kids, parents) overall sense of pissed off, frustrated, angry, then deeper disappointment and potentially dangerous self loathing "Why can't I handle this" "I should be able to do this" or outward expressions of frustrations "it is all that person's fault!" "She is so difficult, if it weren't for her…"

Not at all what was expected.

So What to do? Check out the Action Tools below.

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Action Tools

The following Action Tools are designed to help manage High Performers AND for the High Performer to Manage up. Try them out. You will see a benefit. Tell me how it goes.

Tips for Managing (Up-down or sideways to ) A Self-Identified "High Performer"

• Give lots of feedback as to desired outcomes. Then get out of the HP way and let them figure it out.
• Attempt to control Scope; High Performers will often go above and beyond branch out in unexpected ways (which can be beneficial to the organization)
• Let the HP know that you are trying to meet expectations of others-benchmarks etc & tangential tasks can add value, but are viewed negatively if those tasks cause conflict or at the organization's expense.
• Most HP thrive within CLEARLY ARTICULATED Boundaries. Nothing freaks them out more than not knowing if they are exceeding the bosses expectations. They need to know the expectations-Don't expect them to figure it out. The may indeed figure it out-but the not knowing makes them very uncomfortable & They will use their own feelings of discomfort as evidence that the management staff does not know what it is doing because it-they-him cannot provide the answers to simple questions such as tell me what you think my job is.
• High Performers want to be inspired by the leadership-not managed.

Tips for the Self-Identified "High Performer"

• You can exhaust people.
• You have just entered some dangerous ground. Employers don't like it when employees start blaming others for poor performance or poor interpersonal skills. A sure fire way to inadvertently self-select out of promotional opportunities.
• The management and coworkers may not be as smart as you, but do not question their smarts in front of others in the workplace. Aside from undermining them, it is just rude.
• You may be a valuable asset with a lot to give, if you are perceived as a "problem" and someone who constantly questions direction, your value to the organization diminishes exponentially.

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Ask Carol

I regularly field questions from clients and conference participants. You know – those off-to-the-side sort of questions that you are dying to get some feedback on. Here is your chance to pick my brain for FREE. Send me your questions about workplace tension, challenges with working relationships, how to over come bad "Mojo" at work.

Q: How does one (me) discern what the other person wants, when one (me) suspects there is another purpose to the meeting/conflict than what they are verbalizing?

A: Thanks for asking. Here is a tip. Ask. Try this out "I am getting the sense that there might be a few reasons for our conversation such as...." Then fill in the blanks.  This can open up the conversation a bit and allow you to continue with more solid footing. The person may 1) be taken off guard and be honest, 2) be taken off guard and fib, or 3) be taken off guard and your insight. Either way you still have the "advantage" because you have fully engaged in the conversation and can determine what best to do next or who else to involve.

Carol

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Feedback

I do think that folks often want to talk about themselves, but the surest way to get there is to start by talking about the other person first.
--Adrienne, Attorney  April Enews

Carol Responds:
I completely agree. Me is my favorite subject. I also struggle sometimes to keep my mouth shut and not respond to things.

That’s worth repeating…

"In a high-trust relationship, you can say the wrong thing and people will still get your meaning. In a low-trust relationship, you can be very precise, and they'll still misinterpret you."

--Sahra Badou

Blog Announcement

There are new "The Workplace Conflict Expert Says" blogs. Check them out!  Interesting stuff on Gender and Conflict. Workplace "Crazy Makers at Work", "Avoiding Claims of Sex Harassment", "Work/Life Balance is a Myth!" Check them out. Post your comments. Continue the conversation. Blog >>

eNews Archive

Have you missed an Enews?  Are you a new reader and what even more Action Tools to manage conflict at work and in life? Check out the eNews Archive for past articles and Action Tools.
eNews Archive >>

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Recommended Reading

The Art of Focused Conversation: 100 Ways To Access Group Wisdom In the Workplace by R. Brian Stanfield, editor

I came across this book during one of my many trips to Half Priced Books. It grabbed my attention by the tons of ready to use questions-nothing to make up on the fly. Any question you want to use to increase dialogue, understanding, and problem solving is here.

Excerpt:
"Organizations today need meetings that help people move from a reactive into a proactive focus solutions. They need meetings that give people as much say as possible over the issues that affect their lives and work. Such meetings are needed at every level in the organization…"

The Imagineering Way: Ideas to Ignite Your Creativity by The Imagineers

I found this book while visiting Disney World several years ago. Loved it. Fun and Creative stuff, more importantly how a culture at work is supported at all levels of work.

Excerpt:
"Although Imagineers follow no established formula when it comes to "making the magic," we do define our goals and establish clear objectives prior to embarking on any project…"

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Where's Carol???

July 1, 2008

Stopping Conflict From Destroying Your Organization - For Your Supervisors

Professional Audio Conferences
www.pbb.com

July 9 & 10, 2008

Conflict Resolution Skills for the HR Professional

Washington School Personnel Association HELP Conference
Bellingham, WA
www.wspa.net

August 14, 2008

No Shouting. No Singing Kumbaya-Mediator Skills for the Executive

Washington Employers
Kent, WA
www.wa-emp.com

September  17, 2008

How HR Torpedoes Itself During EEOC Mediations and What To Do About It.

Northwest Human Resource Management Association-
Regional Conference
Kennewick, WA
www.nhrma.org

October 15, 2008

The Roadmap to Resolution for the School HR Professional

American Association of School Personnel-National Conference
Seattle WA
www.aaspa.org

Do you want to bring a dynamic speaker to your organization or conference?  Carol is scheduling engagements for 2008. 
Call or email now to bring Carol to you!
(253)219-5532
ContactUs@ManagingConflict.com

Visit our Resources page for free articles and tips on resolving conflict at work.

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