Conflict Management Strategies eNewsletter
Vol III, Issue 3, July, 2006

In June I explored "Why People Don’t Ask" and gave "Action Tools for Anyone Receiving a Request." This month I follow up with "How to Ask". First, I want to acknowledge that asking for what you want does involve risk—in some situations more than others. (See June’s eNewsletter) We put ourselves in the position of being rejected. HOWEVER, the risk can be minimized and probability of your success increased dramatically. Read on...

Information you MUST know!

Studies show and personal experience proves: The higher the position the LESS they listen. In his book Selling to Very Important Top Officers Anthony Parnello suggests that to be heard, speak ONLY in terms of benefits. Explain the benefit of saying yes to your request—not the benefit to you-the benefit to 1) the person receiving the request & 2) the organization.

High level executives think in terms of revenue, market share, value to share holders, and accountability to constituents and the Board of Directors. Managers think in terms of accountability to their bosses. Only a very savvy executive and managers link employee satisfaction to the bottom line.

So when you ask phrase the benefit in terms of gains for the organization, not just you, your workgroup or department. Think about when you interviewed for your current position. Did you yammer on about how great the job is for you (nice benefits, good salary, and retirement package). Of course not! I will bet that you focused on what YOU bring to the employer, what a great employee you will be for the company, how your special skills and talents will make the employer $$$$$.

ACTION TOOLS

How to Ask

• Think. Be clear on what you want and why you want it. Think in terms of what your needs are. Is it respect? Is it a sense of fairness?
• Research. Does this person even have the power to grant your request?
• Practice!!! Poor delivery hurts you chances for success.
• Ask "What about this works for you?"
• Listen. Seek to "get" why the person cannot or will not grant your request.
• Flex. There is more than one way to skin a cat and likely more than one way of getting what you want. Be willing to be flexible.
• Revisit the conversation if necessary. Persistence often pays off.

Remember, YOU –THE ASKER- have the advantage of advanced planning and careful timing. Take that advantage and leverage it.

Good luck!!! Let me know how it goes.