Conflict Management Strategies eNewsletter
Vol III, Issue 8, December, 2006

We spend so much of our waking hours at work for it to be an uncomfortable, stressful place. I want to help you bring your best to the workplace and handle sticky situations gracefully and improve your working relationships. These Conflict Management Strategies are intended to help you accomplish that.

THE ROAD MAP TO RESOLUTION 2 - “Where Do We Go From Here?  Where ever That is.”

Recall that last month we needed to find out where our starting point was on the path to resolution. In essence our Mile Marker 1- Our journey’s starting point.  (For more information on this and Bowser’s Rules of the Universe Rule 1 & 2 see November’s issue).

Recall the “other guy” defines the starting point.  Start by asking questions to discover what is eating “that guy”.  Here is your next step.  The big thing that will save you huge grief, hours of pain and loads of frustration.

REPEAT BACK WHAT YOU HEARD. Word for word if you can. Then ask, “Did I get it right?”  Then ask…this is the biggie “Did I leave out anything important?” Then shut up.  I mean it; do not say a word.  Let the other person respond.  Give them a good standing 8 count.

More often then not, people just want to vent.  Help them do it in a constructive way.  Do not interrupt, do not comment, or try to make connection statements such as “Oh, I know how you feel.” “Wow that sounds tough”.  Rather, just be quiet, maybe a few “Uh –huh’s” or “I see” you could throw in a “then what happened?”

Why do this?  Why focus more attention on “that guy”?  Because sometimes we get in our own way when we try and show solidarity or similarity.  Let me give you an example.

A very close friend of mine was recently diagnosed with cancer.  She is handling the situation with a tremendous amount of grace and courage.  She is very open with her condition with friends and colleagues.  There is one thing that does cause a wee bit of irritation.

Many times in an effort to make a connection, or to give hope, people will share with my friend the experiences of their friends, their grandmothers, their aunts, their cousins, their mothers.  I am sure that these people mean well.  The result is that the focus is not on my friend and her experience.  Her story is cut out of the conversation. By trying to make a connection these listeners are actually taking my friend’s story away from her.

You will have a better probability of success in resolving disputes if you keep the focus on the other person and allow them to tell their story.  Before trying to jump in or fix the situation, show that you really get where they are coming from.

Do this, particularly around this stressful time of year.  You will see situations de-escalate and build better working relationships.

Action Tools

These action tools will help you and the “other guy” determine where the conversation will go and if you need to be a part of it at all!!!

After you have repeated back what they told you. Ask:

“Did you just need for me to listen or is there something you would like for me to do with this information?”

or

“It sounds like you might want my help with something or support around this?  Is that right?”

Give them a standing 8 count.  Allow them time to process & get clear in their own minds about what they want and, here is the wonderful part, they may not want your help at all!!!! Game over. You are done!! No need to go any further.  Your part on the journey is done!

Feedback

 

"Carol, I have already written down your "Action Tools" on a 3x5 card and have them handy for when I am called upon to settle a conflict. I must agree that most people do what they do to garner respect and value from those around us… I think your 2nd and 3rd questions of the Action Tools is very important,(See November 2006 eNews ) as it allows the person to get a little (okay, sometimes A LOT!) personal and truly take some ownership towards a resolution. It really is a good feeling to be taken seriously, respected, and "listened to" These questions cover all the bases!" (See November eNews: MORE>>).

Melissa, Law Enforcement Communication Officer

 

Where's Carol???

March 27, 2007
Fife Chamber of Commerce Employer Solutions Seminar
Rushforth Construction

"What Men Need to Know About Women,
Conflict & Workplace-But were too freaked out to ask."

To Register call: 253-922-9320 / 800-305-9926

July 20, 2007
Association of Public Safety Communication Officials
Washington State Conference
Wenatchee, WA

October 17, 2007
American Association of School Personnel Administrators
National Conference, Kansas City, MO