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Conflict Management Strategies eNewsletter
Vol IV, Issue 1, January 2007
We spend so much of our waking hours at work for it to be an uncomfortable, stressful place. I want to help you bring your best to the workplace and handle sticky situations gracefully and improve your working relationships. These Conflict Management Strategies are intended to help you accomplish that.
The Roadmap To Resolution: Mile Marker #3-The Fork in the Road.
Our journey on the road to resolving conflict so far has taken us from the Starting Point – “Where the ‘Other Guy’ Is” to “Where Do We Go From Here?”
We have learned some important insights such as everyone wants to feel valued and understood in the workplace (See November's eNews) and that sometimes you don’t need to do anything (December’s eNews will explain this).
Now we come to Mile Marker #3. The fork in the road.
One path takes you further down the path to resolution. The other path is BY FAR more rocky, difficult and ends with a steep drop off of a cliff. Now, which path would you choose to take? Before making your choice, you know that one will be more physically and emotionally difficult.
Did I mention that just prior to the fork there is a sign that reads WARNING-CRITICISM, SHAMING AND BLAMING AHEAD--To avoid danger select the better path.
So who in their right mind would choose the scary path? Well, frankly most of us do. We choose to either begin a conversation with a HUGE mindset of judgment (What an idiot, selfish, short sighted –continue by filling in your most used adjective/noun combination). In doing so, we set ourselves up to go down the scarier more difficult path. Alternatively, (and even more sad) we don’t even have important conversations because we do not realize that we have a choice NOT TO CHOOSE THE HARDER PATH!
Really.
Or we let others take us down the scary path by responding to their criticism, shame, and blame in-kind. Again, we do not realize that we can detour off the path of shaming and blaming back onto the path to resolution. It remains a choice.
Utilize the action tools below and you will see a demonstrable change in the emotional, psychological, and physical stress of addressing issues at work.
Tell me how it goes. I look forward to hearing about your success traveling the road to resolution.
Action Tools
When deciding which path to take on the road to resolution, you must be in tune with how you are either reacting to the other person or entering the conversation with a “mental roadblock”. Try these tools before starting out.
Go to “The Thoughtful Spot”: This is my term for a mental Rest Stop. By deliberately deciding that you will take a “thoughtful” approach instead of a Reactionary Response you are well on your way to a better outcome. Use this if you are beginning the conversation or responding to someone else.
Ask yourself: “What do I want to say?” Here is the great part! If you want to say to yourself “what a jerk!” You can. I am giving you permission to acknowledge that this person or situation is hitting your buttons. The statement can roll through your mind.
Next ask yourself: “What do I need to say?” Now you are changing your focus to what you need to do to get further down or back on the path to resolution. It is often different than what you want to say. If it helps ask yourself “What do I want in the long run? (a nod here to Crucial Conversations by Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, & Switzler).
Say what you need to say. Say it. See what happens. Repeat these Action Tools throughout the conversation.
Where's Carol???
Organizations hire Carol to address their workplace conflict, train employees in conflict resolution skills, and evaluate internal conflict resolution processes…Bring Carol to your organization by calling (253) 219-5532. Visit our Resources page for free articles and tips on resolving conflict at work.
March 16-18 & 31, April 1, 2007
Lead Mediation Trainer
Pierce County Center for Dispute Resolution
Basic Mediation Training.
www.pccdr.org
March 27, 2007
Fife Chamber of Commerce Employer Solutions Seminar
Rushforth Construction
"What Men Need to Know About Women,
Conflict & Workplace-But were too freaked out to ask."
To Register call: 253-922-9320 / 800-305-9926
May 5, 2007
Northwest Alternate Dispute Resolution Conference
“The Human BLEVE”
www.mediate.com/nwadr or www.uwcle.org
July 20, 2007
Association of Public Safety Communication Officials
Washington State Conference
Wenatchee, WA
September 20, 2007
CFDD National Conference
Co-Presentation with Jeanette Nyden,
Owner J. Nyden & Co.
www.JNyden.com
“They did what? Un-freaking’-believable! How people get in their own way during negotiations at work and what to do about it.”
October 17, 2007
American Association of School Personnel Administrators
National Conference, Kansas City, MO
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