Roadmap to Resolution 5: Out of Bounds - Conflict Management Strategies Inc

Conflict Management Strategies eNewsletter
Vol IV, Issue 3, March 2007

Reading: Out of Bounds
Action Tools
Where's Carol??

We spend so much of our waking hours at work for it to be an uncomfortable, stressful place. I want to help you bring your best to the workplace and handle sticky situations gracefully and improve your working relationships. These Conflict Management Strategies are intended to help you accomplish that.

The Roadmap To Resolution: Mile Marker #5 - Out of Bounds

Wham!!!! Bam!!! Direct Hit!!! Someone has just targeted you. The conduct against you is out of bounds—way out of bounds and you know it. You are taken aback. You are emotionally reeling and trying to figure out "What just happened here?!?!?!"

Over the last few months we have been exploring how to productively and respectfully resolve conflicts:

Mile marker #1 & Mile marker #2.
Action Tools that defuse shaming and blaming.

There are sometimes, unfortunately, that you must simply break away from the conversation. For your own personal, emotional, and professional safety.

I am reminded of the Meryl Streep movie "The River Wild". Meryl plays a river guide who unknowingly gets entangled with some bad guys while attempting to navigate a treacherous river. The upshot is that the "bad guys" in the beginning looked nice, acted charming then wham! Scariness.

At times people in our lives or at work act out in scary, threatening and totally inappropriate ways. It happens hopefully, rarely.

When this happens, you should and must remove yourself from that person and the situation. They are a risk to you.

Resolution of conflict –the sort that I preach- assumes that you have two or more rationally acting people. While we may joke or express frustration that "someone isn't working with a full deck" or "a bag of chips short of the lunch", when you are threatened you must first protect yourself. Withdraw. Get to a safe place both physically and emotionally.

B a ck to Top

Action Tools

You must know your own personal boundaries to safeguard yourself against attacks. The following action tools are designed to help you identify your personal boundaries.

Write down what behavior crosses the line for you. It could be cursing, threats (actual or implied), entering personal space. Anything that causes not just discomfort, but fear or shock. By identifying your boundaries before hand you are better prepared to leave a bad situation early and with less damage. For most of us, we don't discover our boundaries until they have been violated. That leaves you vulnerable.

Identify who or what department in your organization you should go to to report improper conduct and build relationships with those folks now. When you are reporting a bad act or bad actor, you do NOT want the first question asked of you to be "and who are you?" By building relationships at all levels of the organization, you build credibility. CREDIBILITY WITHIN AN ORGANIZATION WILL BE YOUR GREATEST ASSET when dealing with people who act inappropriately.

Find a trusted advisor. Often it is good to have someone you know and trust to confide in. This person should have a good head on their shoulders and a sense of appropriate behavior. When something nasty happens, confide in that person and get their perspective.

Don't confront!!! Confrontation with someone that is threatening you puts you at risk. Don't do it. Get an outside source: Human Resources, Your Supervisor, Your Manager.

I hope that these Action Tools allow you to be better prepared if a nasty situation comes up.

As always, I am interested in your stories.

Feedback from last month's eNews "Lost in the Woods"

"True story…you asked us to share how it went. I had a conflict this a.m. and emails flying back and forth ...poor ME, no poor ME…you were WRONG…no you were WRONGER…then I got your email and thought…what did I do...blamed and tried to shame…actually it was blame and shame light...disguised as…you aren't listening to me and I'm right…then I corrected my stance and sent an email saying…I hear you, I understand times are stressful…let's let it go…I apologize for my part of not hearing your needs…

So, your practical and useful tips - keep up the straight talk - people want to hear it - I do I know I need reminders to put into practice what I preach and what I have learned in mediation."

– Sue, Professional Trainer and Mediator

Testimonials:

"Your work with us proved invaluable…would recommend you and your program to anyone."

– Leona Starkel, owner Starkel Poultry

"Your eNews was great, I plan on subscribing!"

Terry A. McConnell, PHR
Human Resource Manager
Alaska Commercial Company

Where's Carol???

Organizations hire Carol to address their workplace conflict, train employees in conflict resolution skills, and evaluate internal conflict resolution processes…Bring Carol to your organization by calling (253) 219-5532. Visit our Resources page for free articles and tips on resolving conflict at work.

March 31, April 1, 2007
Lead Mediation Trainer
Pierce County Center for Dispute Resolution
Basic Mediation Training.
www.pccdr.org

May 5, 2007
Northwest Alternate Dispute Resolution Conference
"The Human BLEVE"
www.mediate.com/nwadr or www.uwcle.org

September 20, 2007
CFDD National Conference
Co-Presentation with Jeanette Nyden,
Owner J. Nyden & Co.
www.JNyden.com

"They did what? Un-freaking'-believable! How people get in their own way during negotiations at work and what to do about it."

October 17, 2007
American Association of School Personnel Administrators
National Conference, Kansas City, MO