Conflict Management Strategies eNewsletter
Vol IV, Issue 10, January 2008

• Roles And Boundaries At Work - Or Lack Thereof
• Action Tools
• Ask Carol
• Feedback
• That's Worth Repeating
• Recommended Reading
• Where's Carol??

We spend so much of our waking hours at work for it to be an uncomfortable, stressful place. I want to help you bring your best to the workplace and handle sticky situations gracefully and improve your working relationships. These Conflict Management Strategies are intended to help you accomplish that.

Roles And Boundaries At Work - Or Lack Thereof

Another true story.

A call from a sharp woman who was having a dickens of a time with a co-worker.  Let me paint the picture.

Sharp Woman (SW) has been with an organization for several years. Worked her way up to an Assistant Director Position.  Frankly, she is a rock star.  The management loves her and recognizes how her initiatives have benefited the organization.  Her programs are so fabulous that the organization decides to have her focus on one area only.  Her other job responsibilities are transferred to another department and a new position is created.

A New Person (NP) is hired to fill the newly created Other Assistant Director position in a different department and reports to a different Director.  It looks like a good fit.  NP is someone who came with familiarity to the organization.  Just to make it clear, NP worked in a different department and had a different reporting structure.  The problem.  The newbie had NO CLUE about the internal protocols of the organization.

She leapfrogged the reporting chain.  Took initiative—with other people’s programs. And…here is the kick.  Came to SW’s office everyday to tell SW how to improve on SW’s own programs. Now this was no short “Hey I have an idea for you” stop by.  This was spending 45 minutes to an hour and a half every day in SW’s office, giving Sharp Woman suggestions on how Sharp Woman should be doing her job.

Good Grief!  A classic example of clueless—well meaning, but CLUELESS!

The upshot? SW is on the phone to me searching for help to address the situation. NW is crying–literally-in her director’s office (likely oblivious to how short her tenure with the organization is).

Every organization has its own protocols which each new employee must learn.  This lady was waaaay off. What we have here is a failure to recognize ROLES and BOUNDARIES.

Over and over again, lack of clear boundaries and ambiguity in roles within organizations cause a lot of trouble.  So much, in fact, that people abandon their employers over the frustration.

So here is what to do. Take a moment or three to clarify the roles and boundaries of your position, your department, and your division. It will allow you to be a Rock Star because you know what others expect of you (or don’t) and how you can meet those expectations.

Action Tools

These action tools are design to help you clarify the Roles and Boundaries within your organization and avoid unnecessary tension and conflict.

Roles are determined via job descriptions, performance expectations, and tribal knowledge.  As a new employee you need to ask questions so that you know how others see your role and be clear on how others up and down and outside your reporting chain see your role.

• ASK your immediate supervisor and your co-workers “how do you see my role here?”
• COMPARE the responses to what YOU believe your role to be AND what you are currently doing.
• DEFINE what your job boundaries are.  This will help you to see when you are being led off track.

As a manager, HR or co-worker, you need to help educate new people (new hires and new position holders) as to tribal knowledge and how you see yourselves working together. This is where BOUNDARIES come in.  The Boundaries need to be open and obvious.

• INFORM new employees or folks new to your department some of the unwritten rules of conduct.
• MAKE your role obvious - what you do, how you do it, how the new person supports you in your role and how you support the new person.
• EXERCISE patience and, if necessary, forgiveness. We often don’t recognize patterns of behavior or boundaries until there is a violation.

If your workplace is suffering from a Cliques or “Us vs. Them” situations that impede work?  I have a special program can help.  Contact me 253-219-5532 or ContactUs@ManagingConflict.com . 
I am happy to help you out.

Ask Carol

I regularly field questions from clients and conference participants. You know—those off to the side sort of questions that you are dying to get some feedback on. Here is your chance to pick my brain for FREE. Send me your questions about workplace tension, challenges with working relationships, how to over come bad "Mojo" at work.

Q: How do you deal with someone who needs to always be right and one-ups you all the time?  She has tremendous control issues and is very serious, and I like to deal with situations in a lighter way.

A: First, congratulations on recognizing that you do have a preferred approach.  That is HUGE.  Most people don’t recognize this in themselves so you are ahead of the game.  Why? Because once you know your preference, you can choose how to respond.

Second, go ahead and try and respond in a lighter way.  It can reduce the tension and allows for better decision making.  In this case it sounds like your “someone” is interpreting your light approach incorrectly.  She might think that you are not taking the situation seriously.  If this is the case, assure her that you do take the issue (really her concerns about the issue) seriously.

Look serious, nod your head gravely, throw in some “oh’s” and “I see’s”.  Have her explain the situation to you and repeat back to her what you heard.  She needs to see and believe that you take it seriously.

As for the control freak aspect of it, take a look at the December 2007 Ask Carol feature.

Feedback

Follow up from December:

December’s "The unfortunate case of the convenient victim" has a follow up from our heroine "Silvia"

"Hi Carol,

I just finished reading your e-newsletter and read that "Silvia" and I had the exact same experience and all because of a Christmas tree. Just like Silvia, I too totally blamed the miserable tree and therefore sent that tree sailing out to the garage.  I imagine Silvia felt somewhat better, just like I did, by purchasing a new tree even though the anger, the new purchase, the time and money spent on buying a new tree were all irrational behaviors.

My one saving factor regarding this entire experience is that no one…will never know how irrational  and ridiculous I behaved through this experience. Silvia, on the other hand, has been exposed.  I should have had your recommended "action tools" infused into my brain prior to the fall.  I had to laugh at myself when reading your article.  It goes to show you that even "cool" people can become "un-cool" at times."

Further update.  I spoke with “Silvia” this month.  As it turns out the tree is out of the garage.  Because she gave it away!

That’s worth repeating…

"Pointed criticism-if accurate—gives an 'ah-ha' moment. Useless criticism leaves us feeling bludgeoned."

-- Julia Cameron
The Artists Way

Recommended Reading

People Style at Work: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better.
By Robert Bolton and Dorothy Grover Bolton

I first came across the concept of “people styles” about a decade ago.  Many companies provide “People Styles” training, but I like the book.  The premise –a good one—is that people think differently, decide differently, communicate differently, handle emotions differently, manage stress differently, and use time differently.

The book provides good tools for you to assess your styles and gives guidelines for working with people whose styles are different from yours.

Excerpt
"As long as you live, you’ll have at least some unwelcome and unproductive friction with others…Of all the problems we face in life, people problems are generally the toughest to solve…."

When Generations Collide: Who They Are. Why They Clash. How to Solve the Generational Puzzle at Work.
By Lynne Lancaster and David Stillman.

This book was recommended to me by a close colleague.  I must say that I am intrigued.  It has a reader’s guide in the back that asks some straight forward questions.

Excerpt
"From the public to the private sector, from the large multinational corporation to the corner mom-and-pop shop, a conflict of earth-shattering proportions is unfolding right before our eyes…the ramifications of these generational collisions at work include everything from reduced profitability to the loss of valuable employees, higher payroll costs, poor customer service, derailed careers, wasted human potential, even potentially serious health problems caused by stress. Corporate cultures are being shaken to the very core…"

Where's Carol???

March 25, 2008
Why do "Good Employees" File EEOC Charges (And what to do about it.)
Fife Employer's Solutions Seminar
(253) 922-9320

Do you want to bring a dynamic speaker to your organization or conference?  Carol is scheduling engagements for 2008. 
Call or email now to bring Carol to you!
(253)219-5532
ContactUs@ManagingConflict.com

Visit our Resources page for free articles and tips on resolving conflict at work.