Conflict Management Strategies eNewsletter
Vol IV, Issue 22, February 2009

• Reading: Total Lack of Situational Awareness
• Action Tools
• Ask Carol
• That's Worth Repeating
• Recommended Viewing & Reading
• Where's Carol??

Total Lack of Situational Awareness

Once again my former college roomie comes through with a great download that had me laughing out loud in the post office. After watching it for the third time, I thought, "There are some workplace lessons here!"

The video is called "Leg Trying to Steal Bone." (The link is also below under Recommended Viewing.)

For those who have not or don't want to see the video, here is the synopsis: Dog on couch with bone. Dog's own foot begins to twitch and reach toward the bone. Dog mistakenly believes that there is some other dog trying to get his bone. Much barking, biting, and gnashing of teeth ensue with the owner laughing hysterically in the background.

So what are the lessons?

1. A total lack of situational awareness makes one highly amusing to others - not in a good way.
   
   
2. We often create the circumstances that irritate us most. I mean, look at that dog driving itself crazy. I am guilty of this, by creating deadlines for work that presume that nothing else will come up or the computer system will not glitch, or failing to factor in that I need to rest and uphold my share of household duties. The result is that I am not my normal charming self. In the workplace this translates into not treating people well and putting up barriers.
   
   
3. What is first funny becomes sad. Back to the dog. After watching the video for the fifth time, it wasn't as funny. My husband said "There is some brain damage there; that dog may have rabies." Yep. There is clearly something majorly wrong. What was first funny, now has me very uncomfortable. Many times in the workplace there are mental health issues present. What looks like quirky behavior can hide some serious conditions. Coworkers start to actively avoid and report concerns to management and HR. Unfortunately, there is little that can be done because the person lacks situational awareness AND - just like that dog -blames someone else.
   
   
4. Laughter fades and people start edging toward the door. Looking at that video dispassionately, I got scared. Scared for that family - the ones who were laughing in the background. In the workplace, once you can read the writing on the wall about an unstable person and attempt to alert managers to the potential fallout, only to find that no action is taken, start looking for the emergency exits or limit your exposure. I will bet that you have seen this or experienced it. You don't feel secure around that person AND lose faith in management to do the right thing.
   
   
5. Start looking for a new dog. When the potential threat becomes clear or the complaints become more frequent, want to guess who will be the first on the list for layoff, termination, or transfer? Yep. The person who lacks situational awareness, blames others, and creates a scary environment.

So what to do? First - it is okay to laugh. THEN take the next step - determine if there is a lack of situational awareness going on for you or for them or for the entire department. Take a look at the Action Tools below to help you out with this.

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Action Tools

These Action Tools are designed to help you and others increase Situational Awareness.

• Assume that you do not have full situational awareness. Based on your position in the company, there will be information that you are not privy to. Also, you don't know everything about everyone you work with. They also (I hope) don't know everything about you.
  
  
• Before jumping of the cliff of blaming and shaming someone else, ASK yourself, "What could I be doing to contribute to the situation?".
  
  NOTE - YOU ARE CONTRIBUTING. Your presence in the room changes the dynamic. Similarly, your absence in the room also impacts the dynamic. Don't "YEAH, but…" me on this. Trust me. YOU are important.
  
  
• Consider what you might be doing to contribute to the situation.
  
  
• Consult with a trusted advisor and see if your assessment is true, a little true, mostly true or a lot true.
  
  
• Adjust as necessary.

If you are in the position to give feedback, walk the person through the questions. Start the conversation with "I noticed that ________ was going on. How are you seeing the situation?". Stop. Listen. Ask, "What could be going on that you may not be noticing?'' Then continue to walk the person through the rest of the question. Good luck!

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Ask Carol

I regularly field questions from clients and conference participants. You know – those off-to-the-side sort of questions that you are dying to get some feedback on. Here is your chance to pick my brain for FREE. Send me your questions about workplace tension, challenges with working relationships, how to over come bad "Mojo" at work.

Q: I am struggling at work. I am told by my supervisor that co-workers feel that I am "bossy". When I ask what I can do differently, the only response I get is "stop doing it." I don't know what I am doing that make people feel this way. I work hard and do a good job. I am feeling lost.

A: You are not alone. You are in the feedback vortex. Your coworkers are labeling your behavior rather than describing it. Your supervisor then takes that label "bossy". What the supervisor should do is have the coworkers describe the behavior, then tell you what behavior is interpreted as "bossy." This way you know what behavior is rubbing the coworkers the wrong way. You can stop it and do something else. Likely your supervisor may need some help giving you feedback you can use. Ask him/her this: "Specifically, what behavior am I doing that is not working? What would you like for me to do instead?".

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That's worth repeating…

Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

-- Will Rogers

Recommended Viewing & Reading

VIEWING

Leg Tries Steal Bone

READING

Love It - Don't Leave It:
26 Ways to Get What You Want at Work

This is the follow on to one of my favorite books:

Love'Em or Lose ‘Em
In a time when most employees are feeling pretty helpless at work, this book gives tons of suggestions for how to take back some degree of control over your career.

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Where's Carol???

Audio Conference IF you missed it...
Government Leadership - Creating a Calm & Engaged Work Environment in Today's Economy
Available for purchase.

March 10, 2009
Workplace Conflict Resolution for Lawyers: What you and your clients need to know
Washington State Trial Lawyers Pierce County Roundtable
Tacoma, WA
Event Contact: Shelly Speir

May 2, 2009
Embarrassment, Entitlement, and Power-The 3 Trolls Under the Bridge in Employment Mediations.
15th Northwest Dispute Resolution Conference
University of Washington School of Law
Seattle, WA
Event Information

July 8, 2009
Conflict Resolution for the Education Professional
Washington School Personnel Association HELP Program
Western Washington University
Bellingham, WA

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Visit our Resources page for free articles and tips on resolving conflict at work.

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