Why People Don't Ask - Conflict Management Strategies Inc

Conflict Management Strategies eNewsletter
Vol III, Issue 2, June, 2006

Why People Don’t Ask

I just finished listening to Jack Canfield’s The Success Principles: How to Get From Where You Are to Where You Want to Be. Some of you may recognize Mr. Canfield as the creator of the enormously successful Chicken Soup for the Soul series. I figured given his success he must have some good advice. He does. One of his Success Principles was “Just Ask”.

The premise behind the principle is that people hinder their own success by not asking for what they want. According to Mr. Canfield, people avoid asking because their brains go straight to the worst case scenario which rarely, if ever, materializes. At this point, I started talking to back to the audio book. “That is not it!!! That might be part of it, but the fear of risk is not the whole story.”

Reasons Why People Don’t Ask

I pulled over and jotted down NO LESS THAN 17 REASONS why people don’t ask. Here are my top picks.

The risk of asking IS real because only “complainers” or “malcontents” ask for something different.
Unsure what the next step will be if the answer is “no.”
Asking has gone badly in the past.
Some people make it difficult to ask by belittling you or the request
Not realizing that asking IS an option.
Just don’t know HOW.

Learning to ask for what you want in the workplace and in life is not easy. You must first determine what is important to you then put yourself out there and Ask.

Next month I will tell you HOW to ask when facing uncomfortable asking situations.

Action Tools: For Anyone Receiving a Request

Employees take a risk by asking, and to them the risk is REAL. Your employees are your organization’s greatest asset. If they feel undervalued, unappreciated, disrespected, or UNHEARD by you, they will …here is your best case scenario…under perform or leave the organization or ….worst case scenario…undermine you or sabotage the organization.

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Here is what to do next time someone
asks you for something
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1. STOP what you are doing. Get off the phone. Step away from the computer. Put down the paper work.

2. LOOK the person in the eye.

3. LISTEN to what they have to say. Most people can not or will not speak uninterrupted for more than 1 minute anyway. Don’t believe me? Time it.

A willingness to listen goes a long way in building loyalty. At some point, you may ask your staff to really go the extra mile for you—not the organization, but you. They will if they feel valued by you. They will leave you, watch you twist in the wind, and have a good laugh at your expense if they don’t feel valued by you.

4. THANK THEM FOR TRUSTING YOU TO BRING UP THE REQUEST. Grant it if you can. If you need to ask someone else for permission, check out next months eNews! I will talk about HOW to ask to get results!!

Let me know how it goes. Good luck!!!

Feedback from “Human Resources Biggest Mistake”
May 2006 eNews

“I just read through your article and AMEN!!! The trick is to get employers to realize that there is a monetary benefit to treating employees with respect. In the litigation setting, they get very focused on "compliance" because that is what will keep them from having to pay out on claims. I don't think that employers always see that going beyond compliance to encourage high employee morale can be a money-maker, too. It seems that there is a lot of potential for education in this area as well as conflict management.”

Shelly, Employment Law Attorney

On the Action Tools:

“At first, I read the 5 questions as only questions that I ask myself to prepare for a conversation with someone else. When I re-read the Action Tools, I realized that you were talking about an interactive process. Now I have 2 sets of tools. One to prepare myself for the conversation and one to use during the conversation.”

Jon, Airline Pilot

On the importance of Action Item question 5 –Focusing on joint action problem solving.

“I have recently learned, painfully so, that rescuing diminishes the other person’s belief in their own autonomy….so much so that they will turn on you if need be…..not intentionally or even consciously…..it’s the shadow side of rescue if it happens too much or on big ticket items. While picking through the pieces of my ego, I found my own agenda! Now how powerful was that for my part!!

MaryAnn, Not-for-Profit Office Manager

Upcoming Events

Get more Tips and Strategies from Carol at these Upcoming Events:

Thursday, June 22, Wenatchee, WA
Association of Public Safety Communications Officials
www.apcowa.org

Interested in bringing Carol to your workplace or professional association for training, consulting or key note addresses? Call 253-219-5532 or visit www.ManagingConflict.com

Please forward this issue.

We spend so much of our waking hours at work for it to be an uncomfortable, stressful place. I want to help you bring your best to the workplace and handle sticky situations gracefully and improve your working relationships. These Conflict Management Strategies are intended to help you accomplish that.

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I want to hear from YOU

I want to know about your challenges in the workplace and your successes from using the tips and strategies discussed here or from a Conflict Management Strategies Training or Key Note Address! Is there a particular situation you are struggling with or a success you want to celebrate? Share it with me.

Here is how: Send an email to cb@managingconflict.com Describe the situation from your perspective, tell me what tip or strategy you used, and the results you had.

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Reprint permission is granted when the following credit appears: "© Carol Bowser, JD, 2006. Reprinted with permission from 'Carol Bowser’s Conflict Management Strategies,' an internet newsletter. For your own personal subscription, go to www.ManagingConflict.com "

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