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Conflict Management Strategies
The Devil
You Know
Negotiating with the Devil  & Other Stories
 
Here is one of my favorite lawyer jokes.  What do you call a bunch of lawyers sky diving?
 
Skeet
 
As a recovering lawyer myself, I think that this is funny.  I also think that it reflects Americans' irritation and frustration with the legal profession.
 
Several year ago, I heard mediation guru Robert Benjamin speak on why he thought attorneys are held in such poor esteem.  Here it is: Lawyers negotiate for a living. Most folks hate, hate, hate to negotiate or at least negotiate with an aggressive negotiator.
 
Why?  Easy.  When we negotiate, problem solve, build consensus, collaborate, or troubleshoot, at the end of the day WE ARE COMPELLED TO MAKE A VALUE JUDGEMENT.  That is to say that we had to choose between one or more things that we wanted.  Frankly, it is a choice that we would rather not make.
 
Think about it.  The last time you were in an uncomfortable or high-stakes conversation, was it  uncomfortable because you were put in a situation in which you HAD to make a decision that you would prefer not to make?
 
For example, do you take on extra work to look like a "team player" even though you would rather spend more time with your family?  Did you choose not to have a conversation because you were concerned that having the conversation would damage the relationship?  Did you implement a plan that negatively impacted one of your employees even though the plan will help the organization?
 
In essence, you were negotiating with the devil and the devil was you and your values.
 
Action Tools These tools are designed to help you approach problem solving/negotiation with more grace and less discomfort.
  1. Reflect on what is important to you.  Which of your personal values are coming into play. (HINT: If this is a big deal to you, it is because a closely-held value you have is coming into play.)
  2. Guess what values might be at stake for the other parties.
  3. Focus conversation not on the proposals, but on what values that proposal incorporates, then brainstorm for other methods of having the value proposition met.
  4. Live with the consequences. Sometimes the "good of the many outweigh the good of the few or the one."  The outcome might be harsh for one and that is reality.  It is better to deal in reality than in fantasy.  Now, go forth, "Live Long and Prosper."
Other sad, but true stories.
 
I have issued a challenge to friends and colleagues: "Send me anything and I will make a link to workplace conflict and write about it." (You can now also take me up on this challege.)
 
Sometimes for liability and common sense, I can't share with you want is sent without violating some HR best practices. (Call me and I will give you the link.)
 
Here is a great link that shows:
  1. How some folks will avoid saying no.
  2. How crazy people think that they are not crazy.
  3. How crazy people think that they are right - always.
  4. How people will come up with some spectacularly bizzare reasons for why things don't go their way.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Organizations hire Carol to address their workplace conflict, train employees in conflict resolution skills, and evaluate internal conflict resolution processes.  Bring Carol to your organization by calling (253) 219-5532.
 
Where's Carol? Below is a list of my upcoming presentations.  If you are interested in attending, contact the organizer at the web sites listed.
 
Hope to see you there!
 
 
 
 
April 20, 2010
9th Annual Government Customer Support Conference and Expo
Top 10 Tips for Dealing with Conflict at Work - What Leaders Really Need to Know
Alexandria, VA
 
April 22 - 23, 2010
Washington Bankers Association - Human Resources/Education Conference
Top 10 Trainers Challenges & What To Do About Them
The Multigenerational Training - Recognizing and Leveraging
Generational Preferences for a Dynamic Training
Leavenworth, WA
 
April 30 - May 1, 2010
17th Annual NW Alternate Dispute Resolution Conference
Narrative Mediation
Seattle, WA
 
May 13, 2010
Dealing with the Difficult, the Really Difficult, and The Just Plain Ugly
SHRM Blue Mountain Chapter - Open to Public
Walla Walla, WA
 
June 14, 2010
Negotiating with The Devil
Seattle Chapter National Association of Credit Managers - CFDD
Seattle, WA
 
June 21, 2010
Negotiating with The Devil
South Puget Sound Chapter National Association of Credit Managers - CFDD
Tacoma, WA
 
June 24 - 25, 2010
Association of Public Safety Communication Officers State Conference
Dealing with the Difficult, the Really Difficult, and The Just Plain Ugly
Juggling Intergenerational Conflict
Wenatchee, WA
 
July 12, 2010
Washington School Personnel Association – HELP Conference
Teaming and the Care of Others
Conflict Resolution Skills
Bellingham, WA
 
October 13, 2010
Mid-Willamette SHRM
The 7 Deadly Sins & 7 Saints of HR and Training
Albany, OR
Stephanie Leffler
Allann Bros. Coffee Company
Phone: (541)812-8000 Ext. 306
 
 
 
P.O. Box 732102 | Puyallup, WA 98375
253-219-5532 | www.managingconflict.com | contactus@managingconflict.com

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