"Conflict is the sound made by cracks in your system."

So says my colleague Ms. Sue Pivetta.  Here are some more words of wisdom from Sue.

 “ [Conflict] is contradictory forces co-existing in a single space. So, when conflict happens, you could recognize the great opportunity for a leader to show leadership by filling NEEDS. Or by setting limits on behavior that is the result of immaturity in the work place.

Yet in conflict people tend to: (1) avoid, ignore the conflict and hold resentment (2) deny the conflict; what conflict (3) react emotionally; become aggressive, reclusive, victimized, or defensive (4) blame the other (5) delegate the situation to someone else - generally a supervisor.

As a leader it is important to become the 'curious observer' and not the victim of this stuff. It is also important as the observer to understand ALL BEHAVIOR MAKES SENSE (it's about need silly). Doesn't mean all behavior is acceptable though!!!”

Amen!

Consequently, if you were to analyze your departmental & organizational culture which of the 5 responses to conflict do you see the most? Digging deeper, how do individual team members respond to the conflict? 

If you have someone who denies and minimizes working with someone who holds onto resentment & keeps a secret score card, you will be hearing loud cracking noises in the form of gossip, complaints, and coalition building.

As a leader, set down the expectations of behavior. Play mediator when you need to.  Umpire when you must. Finally, take personal accountability that as a leader you are ultimately responsible for the team. Its’ performance. Its’ emotional climate. Its’ dysfunction.

Good luck!

Marine (YouTube) Scandal & Blood sucking Fiends Teach About Management

Many of you have seen or heard about You Tube video showing US Marines urinating on bodies.  Marine Corps leadership called the actions "wholly inconsistent with the high standards of conduct and warrior ethos that we have demonstrated throughout our history."  Investigators are trying to determine whether the commanders knew of the misconduct or whether a breakdown in discipline occurred.

For those of you who are in a position of responsibility, look for the lesson here:

THE POLICIES YOU SPOUT ARE WORTHLESS UNLESS FOLLOWED.

PEOPLE WILL DO WHAT THEY WANT IF THEY THINK NO ONE IS LOOKING OR IF THEY THINK YOU WOULD DO THE SAME.

So what does Blood sucking Fiends have to do with this? Plenty. Blood sucking Fiends  is a book by author Christopher Moore (also author of another great management title Practical Demon Keeping). The story revolves around vampires, San Francisco, and a group of employees known as “the Animals.”

The Animals work for Safeway as the night stock crew. Their favorite past time at work, other than getting drunk, is turkey bowling.  According to Wikipedia,

“Turkey bowling is a sport which is based on ordinary bowling: a frozen turkey serves as a bowling ball and 10 plastic bottles of soft drinks or water are the bowling pins. The turkey is bowled down a smooth surface, for example, ice.”

What is the link you might be asking between Turkey Bowling and desecrating the dead-lack of supervision, lip service (at best), abandonment (bad) of organizational principles, or a complete “screw you” attitude (very worst).

Take a minute to think about it.  Then step up to the plate and do the right thing.

When is a victim not really a victim?

There I was sitting outside of Whole Foods eating my lunch.  It was a beautiful day.  An older man with 2 miniature pinchers (think very small Doberman ) sat a few tables away.  He seemed to be enjoying the day.  He seemed to be enjoying hanging out with his dogs.  It was all tranquil.

Until...SHE showed up!  The wife. Oh boy, was she steamed.  She was yelling at him. Shaming and Blaming. "Where were you!"  "Why don't you have your cell phone!"  "I have been looking for you!"  "I have been all over!"

I thought "Wow, the poor guy.  He is getting pooped on in public big time."   He looked like a hapless victim.  He acted like one too. Standing up quietly and walking away from the wrath of THE WIFE.

Then I started to reflect on what THE WIFE had said.  During the course of her rant she mentioned that 

1. She went in look for something that was not there
2. She went back to where he had dropped her off.
3. He was not there
4. She went back into the store to look for him.  Not finding him, she went back to front entrance and waited for him. 
5. She waited and waited.
6. She tried calling him. She could not reach him.
7. She spent 20 minutes searching the store for him.
8. She decided to shop
9. She finally found him.
10. "You ALWAYS do this!!"

It was "You ALWAYS do this" that really got my attention.  I can imagine that THE HUSBAND thought it was a nice idea to go run an errand or two, park the car, take the dogs for a walk then find a pleasant place to sit.  I will bet he thought "she will figure it out."

Now, at the outset HE looked like the VICTIM.  Upon reflection, I had a lot more sympathy for THE WIFE. I mean, how annoying is that behavior.

So here are the morals to this sad tale of The Victim Who is Not A Victim

• A victim may not be a victim, but an instigator.
• People can and will follow their own agendas
• Your agenda may be obvious to you and a mystery to others
• You need to move forward  or get sucked into the "YOU ALWAYS DO THIS" ridiculousness

I think all THE WIFE, like most of us who feel neglected or victimized, wanted to hear was "I am sorry. I didn't realize the impact on you.  It won't happen again."

Too bad.  I wonder who will get those miniture pinchers in the divorce?

Is the world full of “Self Entitled Babies”?

In a Twitter post some time back I asked “Are employees seizing the day or seizing the pay?”  One response was telling “It’s all about the pay in this world of self entitled babies. I see so many 70 % out there it’s amazing anything gets done”.

Apparently, some feel employers aren’t doing enough to drive performance while other feel employers aren’t doing enough to meet needs.  Are the two related-who really knows.  My bet is that it isn’t the same for everyone.

What is amazing to me is the amount of mutual resentment that is out there.  Here is what folks don’t seem to get:

1. It is the employee’s responsibility to look after themselves.
2. When negotiating salary, PEOPLE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SELF-INTERESTED. 
3. Our culture equates pay with value.
4. People equate level of pay with Personal Value.
5. Everyone knows an overpaid idiot.
6. Life is expensive. We need money to survive.
7. Most people have ZERO concept about the true Fair Market Value (FMV) of their services.  They don't see what others are paid. 
8. HR & MANAGEMENT ASKS people what their last salary was to determine how much they are “worth” then get upset when prospective employees decline to provide the information. THUS, no fair turning around and becoming miffed when people want more money because they believe that they are delivering value.
9. Employees believe that they are doing the work required of the job. If they are not, that is an issue of management failing to manage.
10. Who wasn’t a whining, overly entitled cry baby at 20?  Seriously, most employees entering the work force have to be trained to be employees.  They have little or no real life experience. Did you really expect a worldly wise 20 something?

 Yes, they get attention.

 The flip side is that others, the folks who come to work and do their stuff, often are over-shadowed and feel unappreciated.

 While supervisors feel as though one person or one event is sucking up  too much time and energy.

 For each time there is someone doing a version of Chicken Little’s “THE SKY IS FALLING!” check in with your tried and true workers to see how they interpret the situation.  Listen to the Steady Eddies. Pay them as much attention-if not more.

While the concern of the person who raises the roof over and over again might be legitimate, you cannot allow them to overshadow the others.

 You can let them know that you heard their concern, but it is not an urgent issue at the time.  THEN articulate that “we have a good group of folks here. Folks who are bright, articulate, & who can speak for themselves.”

  If you get push back , REPEAT, “we have smart people her who can speak for themselves.”

 REPEAT “People can speak for themselves & I will respect their choice not to come forward as much as I respect YOUR choice to come forward.  I heard your concern, do you have something else to add?” 

 

'13' Reasons Why People Are Jerks At Work

Everyone has a bad day now and then.  There are people, however, who don’t simply have a bad day. They have a bad decade.  Where does this come from?  Sue Pivetta of Professional Pride has identified 13 instances that if not addressed can lead to perpetual negative behavior.

Take a look at the list below. The first element is the cause followed by the behavior.

Do any of these stand out to you?   Do co-workers or management suffer from these pernicious feelings?  The first step to improvement is identifying the problem.  Let the games begin….

1. Lack of control causing people to exert control in inappropriate ways or hold on with a death grip to any areas of control that they believe that they have.
2. Inability to set boundaries resulting is others feeling steam rolled or violated by comments that are personal attacks.
3. Feelings of abandonment causing people withdraw and not share information.
4. Feelings of dependence resulting in people unable to make independent decisions or act without first getting permission-not matter how minor the action.
5. Need to be liked or listened to causing people to avoid conversations, agree with whomever is in the room. OR repeating, repeating, repeating, repeating the same story or complaint over & over & over again.
6. Authority and power Issues causing individuals to take actions on either side of a broad spectrum. On one end, if they love power and authority they will try and make people bow down to their ideas, proposals, ways of doing things because “I am the boss” or “you have to pay your dues” or “this is the way it was for me, it will be the way it was for you.”  Alternatively, there are folks who HATE people who have authority over them. They will be contrary simply to assert their own independence as a way to say “You are not the boss of me” even if you are.
7. Need for excitement and chaos.  Yes, there are drama queens and kings out there. They will create drama to show how valuable they are. They need something to focus on.  They need to create a driving force to stir up the daily routine.
8. Loyalties and protectiveness. Resulting in coalition building and backing individuals or ideas simply to back the person.
9. Low professional or personal self-esteem causing individuals not to contribute, take calculated risks and become the “go along, get along” lump.
10. Disappointment over being unfulfilled resulting in individuals withdrawing emotionally and physically from the work. Increase absenteeism. No participation in meetings. Work pace slows & performance suffers.
11. Personal professional needs not met resulting in frustration and job/life dissatisfaction.  May become shorter tempers, time on the internet searching for new jobs, push back on new initiatives at work or statements that “it doesn’t matter anyway!”
12. Personality type, learned behavior causing individuals to play the role of victim or bully.  Increased complaints & water cooler conversations.
13. Follower personality, lack of personal power resulting in minimal amount of engagement. Follower characteristics are good.  This situation is bad because the follow is completely overshadowed the leader who may be a handful themselves.  The follower will not take any action against or contradict the leader.  The follower is assimilated into a coalition and voiceless.

Super Secret Probation & Other Ill-Advised Ideas

Wow, what a month!  I have had at least three separate conversations with people stressed out at work because of Super Secret Probation.

Let me explain ...

Super Secret Probation is a term that I poached from the classic film Animal House.  You might remember that the anti-heroes of the Delta House were placed on Double Secret Probation by Dean Wormer.  The gist is that the "heroes" of Delta House were on extra scrutiny so that Dean Wormer could "catch" them doing wrong.

Well, the same stuff happens - with better intentions - at work.  ANY time that a co-worker, supervisor, or leader has a "plan" for someone and does not share the plan or the evaluative criteria there is Super Secret Probation.

The subject of the plan knows that something is going on, but doesn't quite know what.  He feels that his best - which was fine before - is no longer making the grade. This does not promote feelings of confidence. Instead, it freaks people out. They feel as though they are being set  up to fail.

Here is an example from this month ...

A person contacted me because he thinks that his supervisor is "grooming" him for a job that he doesn't even want.  He was never asked if he wanted the job.  He has no interest in it. It is not in alignment with his knowledge, skills, and talent. The job, however, is something of a box checker for further career advancement.

He feels as though he is being managed upon and is resenting it. So rather than feeling encouraged to seek out a higher position, he is determined not too.  Why should he?  If he is subjected to higher scrutiny now, won't a promotion mean more?

Was the supervisor intentionally targeting him. Absolutely.  But not in a way that was intentionally negative.   The supervisor was "trying" to help.  As you see, the consequences of the extra "help" has the opposite effect.

I see this all the time.  Unarticulated expectations destroying working relationships.  The cure is to articulate the expectations, align skills - knowledge - talent, then have an agreed-upon course of action.

So don't end up either like the brothers of the Delta House (going out in a blaze of glory) or like Dean Wormer (made a fool of).  Use the Action Tools below.