Conflict
Management Strategies eNewsletter
Vol
III, Issue 7, November, 2006
THE ROAD MAP TO RESOLUTION
The email started like this, "I liked the idea of having
a plan and it made me think about what Emotional Intelligence
means. The idea of having a plan in place to deal
with a problem professionally is not something I've heard
before, and it makes perfect sense. Now, the question
is, what's the plan that will be the most efficient?"
Excellent question! We will start that the beginning—as
Julie Andrews tells us—a very good place to start.
Figure out where "the other guy" is-that is
THE STARTING POINT
Start by asking questions to uncover what is going on from
the other person's point of view. Not the "what the heck
where you thinking?!!?!!?!" variety. Why? Because
of Bowser's Rule of the Universe #1.
No one comes to work thinking "Today I want to be perceived
as the idiot, malcontent or That guy" You know what I
mean--that guy/ gal that has the social skills of a rabid
goat or the person that is, in fact, the big turd sitting
in the center of the collective carpet.
Nope, most people want to feel intelligent, valued and respected
at work AND, they will act in a way that they believe will
lead others to view them as intelligent, valued, and respected.
The corollary to Bowser's Rule of the Universe #1 (See above)
is Bowser's Rule of the Universe #2 Every
decision made in the history of mankind—and there have
been many, shall we say Loo-Loo's of Poor Judgment—made
perfect sense to the person who made them. At least at the
time.
So here is step one of the plan: Ask questions to
find out what is driving, if not compelling, the person to
act they way they do. Why does the action they propose
make sense to them? What goal are they attempting to accomplish?
Unless you know where you and they are starting from, you
will fail in reaching resolution.
Next follow up with questions designed to increase
your understanding of why –whatever they are doing or
not doing
-- makes sense to them in their view of the world.
Now, here is advice in the negative which behavioralists
will tell you never to do (because you then focus on what
not to do, instead of what to do. For example, don't think
of chocolate.). Do not, not, not, not, not argue,
disparage or other wise tell the person that they are wrong
or their point of view is not valid.
This will only serve to entrench the person in the rightness
and possibility righteousness of their position or serve to
demonstrate to them that you are to dense to understand it
and to even talk with you will be a waste of their time.
Amazing isn't it. Before jumping to condemn them, consider
are you any different? How open were you in a conversation
when it struck you that the person is only there to attempt
to coerce or dupe you into changing your mind or to "sell"
you on an idea.
Now before you, as gramma says poo-poo me, consider that
until you know what you are dealing with you may be working
hard to solve the wrong problem.
Next month we will explore the next landmark on the "Roadmap
to Resolution." Try the following action tools out when
starting on the roadmap. Tell me how it goes.
Action Tools
Questions
- So what is going on?
- What about this situation is hitting you so close to
the bone?
- How would you have liked the situation to be?
- What do you think the other person, manager, department
was trying to accomplish?
- What do you think that person overlooked or didn't really
appreciate?
So what if they say something really off the wall?
How do you respond? Easy. Try these.
- I never really thought about it that way.
- Wow, that is a different perspective that I hadn't considered.
Tell me more about...
If they confront you …
You present a challenge. What do you think that we need
to consider?
Where's Carol???
March 27, 2007
Fife Chamber of Commerce Employer Solutions Seminar
Rushforth Construction
"What Men Need to Know About Women,
Conflict & Workplace-But were too freaked out to ask."
To Register call: 253-922-9320 / 800-305-9926
July 20, 2007
Association of Public Safety Communication Officials
Washington State Conference
Wenatchee, WA
www.apcowa.org
October 17, 2007
American Association of School Personnel Administrators
National Conference, Kansas City, MO
www.aaspa.org
|
