Conflict
Management Strategies eNewsletter
Vol
III, Issue 5, September, 2006
H.A.L.T. Before Jumping into the Fray.
Recently, I experienced the excitement and aggravation
of purchasing a new home. Hours of work. To put is
mildly, it was stressful.
Many days, I was short on sleep, missed meals and frustrated
by the "hurry up and wait" pace. Frankly,
I was Hungry, Frustrated, and Tired most of the
month. I was not my best: cranky and irritable. LUCKILY… I
KNEW IT.
I don’t even want to think how much trouble I could
have caused to my work-life, personal life, and financial
security, if I did not slow down and acknowledge my needs
before jumping into important conversations with co-workers,
clients, or family members.
When we are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired, our immediate
physiological and emotional needs take over.
Most
of us have a very hard time thoughtfully engaging in
conversation when our bodies or spirit are depleted. We
are more likely to do something short sighted if not
plain dumb.
As the authors of "Crucial Conversations" tell
us "it is hard to be at your best, when you are at
your worst." So when Hungry, Angry, Lonely,
or Tired, H.A.L.T!!!!
This strategy worked great for me while negotiating the
Purchase and Sale Agreement for my new home. It was as
simple as, "I am really hungry and a bit tired.
Whenever I can I follow some wise advise I received from
an expert negotiator, ‘never negotiate when Hungry,
Angry, Lonely or Tired’. Can I call you back
in 15 minutes after I get something to eat?"
Notice that I first tuned in and acknowledged what
my body was telling me. Next, I articulated it to
the person trying to engage me in conversation. Finally, asked
if it was ok to reschedule and suggested a time and
took responsibility for initiating the conversation.
I worked better. The conversation worked better. The
deal was better because I knew to H.A.L.T!
Try it. See how your results improve. Tell me how
it goes.
Action Tools
You are never at your best when Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or
Tired. Learn to check-in with yourself throughout the day
and implement these tools before pursuing important conversations.
First, and most important:
- Tune in! Most
folks muscle though most days. Working on little
sleep, frustrated,
or upset. For some people this is "normal". "Normal" or
not, if you don’t tune in to your body, you could
be sabotaging your self. Ask yourself, how am I
feeling? Then LISTEN to what your body is
telling you.
Second, decide what to do about
it.
- Hungry: Eat. Go ahead. Tell
the person that you are really hungry and can’t
concentrate fully on what they are saying. I
have yet to have someone say, "No, I really don’t
want you to understand what I have to say."
- Angry: Breathe & slow down. Here
the benefit is double. 1) you'll be counteracting your
own stress responses and increasing your ability to affectively
respond and 2) your quieter, slower speech patterns will
slow the pace, giving you more time to think.
- Lonely or Sad: Respond, Don't React.
Take a minute to evaluate your initial reaction. Are
you in the best place emotionally to make the right decision
for you? If not reschedule.
- Tired: Reschedule if at all possible.
Get some ZZZ’s if you can, if not take a quick
walk 10-20 minutes. This can re-energize you and
dust off the cobwebs. Agree on a date and time to address
the issue after you have re-thought your strategy and
taken care of personal needs.
Where’s Carol???
September 20, 2006
South Puget Sound Chapter National Human Resource Management
Association
Tacoma, Washington
"What the Mediator Saw: The inside scoop on
how HR inadvertently torpedoes itself and what to do about
it.”
www.spsnhrma.org
October 4, 2006
Association of Public-Safety Communications Officials
Regional Conference
Helena, Montana
“Dealing with the Difficult, Really Difficult, & Just
Plain Ugly: Tactics to De-escalate, Validate, Navigate & Problem
Solve”
www.mtapco.org
October 7, 8, 9, 21, 22
Pierce County Center for Dispute Resolution
Tacoma, Washington
Basic Mediation Training.
www.pccdr.org
November 4, 2006
Southern California Mediation Association
The Strauss Institute
Pepperdine University.
Santa Monica, California
18th Annual Conference:
Building Bridges –The Art
and Science of Mediation.
www.scmediation.org
www.law.pepperdine.edu/straus/
SCMA Program
download (pdf): MORE>>
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